I haven't bothered to blog. Why? Simply, because life has tossed me a couple hurdles. I'm having a real tough time getting past them too. Oh, let's see, I stood up for something I believed in, and ended my employment at what was my favorite place to work. The story isn't important, and I was letting bad morale get me down, and well, ya know, sometimes its time to just go. I fought it, because in my heart, I believed I was right. Needless to say, I could write a book, but I'd rather just chock it up to experience points, and move on. I tried to quit smoking... I lasted about 3 days, and finally gave in. I am going to try and moderate my nicotine habit though... which is the first step. The shakes were terrible. I have taken some real confidence hits as of late, everything from just not feeling myself, to botching interviews. I have lost myself... and now I am going to try to reclaim what I have lost. Lessons have been learned, and now its time to move on to the next big thing, whatever the hell that is. The job situation has been pretty stressful... I went to fielding 100k a year offers to nothing. What happened? Shit happens. That's the best way to explain it. I can do ANYTHING, but I have been focused on one thing for so long, that my other talents have just faded away. It's all still in my head, I just need to recall it. I'm no longer as ambitious as I was, for this is the 2nd time I lost what I was working for. Everyone always dangles a carrot in front of me, and like the horse, I go for it. The first time, it was circumstantial... dot com bust, everyone lost out... this time, it was more a bait and switch. Everyone wants me to cooperate... play ball with us, digi. Frankly, I'm tired of playing ball. I play ball, so you can cheat or steal, and get ahead. I provide you a solution, and you critique it like you know any better. All for what? So you can prove your superiority. There are lots of people superior to me, but these people will never be in that list. Never. On my worst day, I will always be one step ahead. Now, that I have gotten that off my chest... I just want to find a job at a place that will not fuck me over. I will work my ass off for that job, just give me my due. Don't tell me that I am too young, or not educated enough, or politics won't allow it. I built it, didn't I? I gave my all for it, and made it work. Something that many can not do, and I do it with ease, because I believe in it. Soooooo, next job criteria... be nice to me, don't screw me over, let me do my job, let me grow and exceed expectations. Push me, tire me, curse me, compliment me. Don't make me promises you can't keep, don't steal what I have offered you for free, don't treat me anything less then I am, a human being. How hard is that? Disagreements happen, personality conflicts happen, but these things CAN be worked through with success, IF both parties are willing to try.
Well... it was a interesting vacation (ended on June 10) and on that day, I received a call from my mother (who hasn't been feeling well) stating that my cousin had died. So, with only 4 hours of work on the clock, I left again to return to Oklahoma. I saw alot of family, heard alot of stories, and even met family that I had never seen. It was a experience, to say the least... I learned alot, and the funeral service was good, if one was to rate such things... My cousin will be missed by alot of people, as she had worked closely with the Cherokee nation, and other tribes. She was a good person, and she always pushed herself to do better for herself, and for others. This experience has prompted several things from me... I am learning to value family even more so then before, I am questioning my existence 6 hours away from said family, and I am taking the time to really learn my culture (as a Cherokee). I mean, I had always heard stories growing up, and I knew my family was close in the tribe, but never realized how close until I started researching. My cousin, was the geneologist of the family, and with her gone, it has made me think about things in a different perspective... someone in my family will have to continue these duties, and while its not me, someday it will be. My children will have a rich heritege (in some ways, this is a curse) and they will need to learn. So, I am reading, and thinking . The usual. I have kind of started to learn how to speak Cherokee (my grandparents and thier generation were fluent, something I did not find out until after my grandma died). http://www.cherokee.org has some great resources... maybe someday I will be as fluent as my family and I will find someone to speak it to... there seemed to be no shortage of speakers at the funeral, as I heard Cherokee spoken and sung, as well as Osage. It was interesting. In other news, it is defintely a June month at my work.. fiscal year begins July 1, and the yearly reorgs have begun. It's like watching a soap opera. I have been fighting with Cisco AAA items, and my head is still not quite clear. I am considering college again, and trying to figure out where I should be, and what I should be doing.
This is going to be one weird summer... no doubt.
Ahhhh, lazy vacation days. I have been truly vegging between the PS2, and the computers... I have only been leaving the house for food... Well, yesterday, I drove the motorcycle up to Arbys to snag a 5 for 5... and I get a call on the cell... My mother. I answer the phone, and tell her that I will call her back... I get back to the house, and she has left me a AIM message stating that the rumor back home is that I died. People are saying that I died in a car wreck. WTF?! I'm dead???? How cool is that? I mean, how would these people even know? My home town is 350 miles away, 3800 people, and none of them really know much about what I do, or where I live... except for a couple good friends. My friends wouldnt start rumors like this, so I have no idea. So, my mom wanted to know that I was okay. Of course, I am okay. I guess that people have been calling her and asking her about my death... How funny. So... the agenda today? Little as possible... although I might slip out to the best buy and snag a couple of Aces for Forgotten Battles... Fly a p-38.. yaaaaaar. I am also thinking about putting a 2 meter ham radio in the truck... but I need an antenna. It has been years since I was seriously into radios, and I am scared of it... the last time I was into radios, I had enough to fill a small room. I have been a licensed ham since 1996... I can't believe that I will be renewing it in 2 years! OH... the reason I am thinking about radio again... Last night, we had one hellava storm. 300,000 without power I think. I used to do a bit of spotting... I know down here, it is a really formal thing, but I am considering it... chasing weather is fun! Sooooooooo, I just might get this stuff up and running... I feel myself getting into a pattern here, and I will have to break it soon if I am going to get anything accomplished during this time off... I am gonna go get to it. This is me, from the afterlife, saying... BOO!
Okay. Plans change. I had intended to go out of town and see a friend, and it looks like that is not happening. I am at a true loss... I have no idea of what I am going to do for vacation... I should do SOMETHING... although I am thinking that it might be best if I just lay around for 9 days. Get a little bored, and I will be more eager to go back to work when the 10th comes... Hell, I don't know. I kinda want to go back to Oklahoma, and mess around, but... I don't know. I could take the truck just about anywhere, but I have no idea... I thought about just packing up some stuff, and picking a direction... just drive. My ass outta here. Again, I do not know. I am not looking forward to this next month at all. I need to do something \"fun\" (what is that?) while I can, as its about to get really hectic. I wish I had my passport and about 5 grand... I would just hop a flight and goto Japan. *sigh* One thing is for sure, if I hang out here, I am going to die of Coca Cola intake. hehe... Ah well.. I am just going to sit here and veg out I guess... inspiration will eventually hit me. Until then, I am going to veg until I pass out (probably soon) and enjoy some Steely Dan. Yeah.
So... Friday night was uneventful. Took the motorcycle into Dallas, and drank. Empty stomach...all I had was the sushi, and some jalepeno poppers... 4 long island iced teas later, and the bar closing, I cruised the bike home, and passed out... Woke up around noon, head pounding. Decided to go shoot guns, broke out everything from the gun safe, and packed it up. Called Bulet Magnet, and DataShark... Ended up just going to Basspro and shooting pistols. Came back, hungry as hell, feeling kinda pissy due to lack of food... The double redbulls did not do much for the pounding of head, and the steady pounding of the indoor pistol range did not clear things up either... I unloaded about 200 rounds of .22 and about 200 rounds of 9mm. I found out that I shoot a 9mm pretty decent in a one-handed duel stance. I shot one-handed offhand, and put a round into the center black at 20 feet. Not bad, even though I felt like I was waving... Sooo, pissy, and hungry, we came back, Bulet Magnet headed for Dallas, as his hip was bothering him... I cleaned my pistols, and DataShark killed his teammates in SOCOM... His wife calls, demands cigerettes... He calls DarKnight, and time passes. Data takes his wife smokes when DK showed up, and I reorg the gun safe. Freshen up a little bit, and they come back, and we are off to Benigens for dinner. Service sucked, food was off, and we waiting for a hellish long time... Pissyness ensuing with me, and starting to spread, Data talks with the manager...
We leave, Data's family units head for home, and we head for Gameworks. Enter bar. Have beverages for 10 minutes, and leave to hit the movies. We saw \"Day After Tomorrow\"... decent flick, hollywood drivel of course, but entertaining. Sooooo, I just came in a few minutes ago, and had to take care of some nature... (TMI?) and so, I continued on Pattern Recognition (flying through it, so far, so good... Gibson still rocks my socks) and lo and behold! 33 pages are MISSING from my fucking book! Chapter 13 goes from page 120 to page 153. WTF? I examine said treasured book for signs of tampering... none. It hasn't been ripped. I examine chapters... the next chapter is like chapter 18. I have been robbed of my favorite authors pages. For once, I am at a loss... a true loss. I will not take the book back, but I will enter the BN, and examine other copies. If I find a unmutated copy, I will buy it... and continue my travels with CayceP. Anyways... I am a little miffed... not for just the loss of pages, but because this will force me to travel into the netherworld known as Barnes and Nobel. WTF. I can't go into that place without buying half of it. Not fair. I am forced to do it though, because other book stores suck. Books-A-Million (Grapevine Mills mall) is worthless... to put it bluntly... If I went into Books-A-Million with the intent to buy a holy bible, the Books-A-Million would not have it.
Rat bastards. Do not toy with me in this way. Let's see... Oh I must offer random people an apology for last night... I believe that I might have drunkenly typed things last night, and while I really don't care, just know that I was drunk. Kthx... moving right along... I am tired, but not tired enough to enter the abyss of sleep, so I might entertain myself by playing SOCOM... maybe. Tomorrow, I may go to see Troy. It looks to be a decent movie (I love history, even though Hollywood screws with it) and I am behind on movies lately... I do live in a cave, ya know. I really wish I could just watch this stuff on my computer (legally, with better quality). I really don't like going to theaters that often. I like to watch on MY schedule... because its really hard to justify the time... movies are too damned passive. You just sit there, and yes, they can be fun and entertaining... but the veg factor... I just feel my brain slipping into mush mode. I believe the brain is a muscle... you must work it, and I fear my brain being turned into mush. Interactivity is where its at.. even if its a video game... anything that makes things fire consistently...
SOooooooooooooo... I am going to go blow stuff up. Until next update, be good.
Its time! Well... I am burning the remaining days in my vacation... I have never been able to do this... Soooooooo.... I am off from right now until
June 10th! I am still on call until Monday, but my boss let me come in late and leave early... I stayed late last night upgrading a Cisco Secure ACS
server... Had a pretty decent day today... I got a new seat for the motorcycle, and so I rode the bike into work today... I had sushi for lunch, by myself, but it was peaceful. I got some last minute things done at work, and upgraded another Cisco box... I am now sitting here at the house, wondering what to do next. I am thinking about fishing... but, I could start things out right by playing some SOCOM... I dunno. I have books to read (Lots more Stephenson, and I am currently reading \"Pattern Recognition\" by William Gibson (my FAVORITE author). I paid most of the bills this morning... so, after I check the snail mail ( I do this only twice a month) and drop off the rent check, I am without obligation. The bike is looking good, the house is fairly clean, and for the first time in a long time, I am thinking about things other then work. It does no good to worry about work... Things are going to be what they are, and there is nothing I can do to change it. I am just going to try and be mindful of the future, and try to live... I can't imagine what to do with all this time. I might go out of town, but I gotta see how things land. Hmmm, already a plan is formulating... I think I will play some guitar, as I have been neglecting as of late, and then maybe hit some socom, and maybe I will break out a cigar and sit outside... Thinking about hitting the bar tonight (whoa, I can hit the bar EVERYNIGHT)... I am putting information security matters on hold... or hell, maybe I will hack something here at the house for fun... its been a long time since I had played around.. my day to day is pretty lame anymore... Well, used to, I was the front man for analysis, and now... I am just a engineer. Some people call this a promotion, but hell, I was ALWAYS a engineer. I was engineering from the first 5 minutes of entering that place. I dunno... I have basically industrialized the process of making Snort machines... I have been talking alot with pr00f about how we can take the Snort appliance to the next level. Hell, maybe we both should be working for Sourcefire. But... ya know what they say, there is no such thing as a original thought, and I have seen some Sourcefire stuff... they are headed in the right direction...
I am sure that our stuff pales in comparison. Snort is still fun to build and architect though.. . and its great to push opensource applications into business... and watch them work. I am taking a hard look at the Honeyd project now... and I am thinking about industrializing much like the Snort project. I am not as large of a fan of honeypots as I am IDS's though. I get into great debates with people about the value of IDS. What value is it? Well, to me... its a great view of the network, one that most people normally do not get. Face it, shit happens. Servers get owned. Desktops get infected... Viruses no longer propogate by simple filesharing, but they are network enabled, a application in their own right... You have to be able to see these... even with virus protection, you cannot detect propogations. People are leaning hard to intrusion prevention tech, but I am not down with that... As cool as it would be to see a Gibson-like future (think black ice, and neuromancer) we are not there yet. I don't trust IPS... I do trust a analyst who like myself, has been there, and done that, and knows what to look for. I trust a guy that can explore bits of traffic based on intuition (something a machine will never have, at least not in our lifetime)... Ahhh, the old days... there was nobody like us watching... anymore, there are traps, honeypots, ids's, ips's, teams of guys just waiting for you to make your move... And I have found the way to defeat them all. Digi's 2nd law of information (information saturation).... but still, there are some analysts out there that are better then I ever will be, catching those types of attacks via intuition... Intuition is damned hard to explain to an executive... damn hard... but it works. Anyways, I didn't want to rant about information theory, or anything like that... we were talking about my vacation, and what the hell am I going to do with this much time off anyways? Hopefully, I will remember \"fun\" again. What is fun anyways? I have no idea... I guess most people when they get to be like me, they have families and they find it again, but I don't really have anyone that is that type of family. That would mean emotional attachment and letting someone into myself fully... That would mean *gasp* trusting someone... To demonstrate my trust factor, I sleep with a 9mm. It's not paranoia, its just the way of things. It's a evil world, and all we can do is take the good and try to make it spread. I just can't commit to anyone. My mom says that I should \"powerdate\" but what the hell is that? I don't want just anyone.. I want just one, and that someone is very fucking special, thank you very much. So, I have figured out that there are many levels to Digi (someone said like a onion, but I missed the reference). Why the hell am I typing all this? It's my vacation dammit... (yes, yes, I am on call until Monday, but I don't work weekends that often anyways, so I am off work really!)... Rant rant, ramble ramble... I think I'll fire up that guitar now, and bust out some digi tracks. Until next update... be well, love each other, don't work too hard, and uhhh, stay sane.
I wrote a really long rant, but I lost it. Stop media monopoly - boycott clearchannel and the businesses that advertise on clearchannel. RIP 97.1 the Eagle. No more rockstation for Dallas.
(23:55:49) Digitalebola1: i think i might join the peace corp.
Been a while since last post. The last few weeks have been different, both good and bad I spose. Starting with a couple of weeks ago, I embarked on my vacation (pictures are up) to Portland/Seaside/Seattle. Dot was good enough to put me up and play tour guide. She is super fun, and knows the area very well. We hit some local bars, and the beach at Seaside, as well as the touristy things in Seattle. It was weird going back to Seattle after something like 5 years... I can honestly say that I have grown since then. April 26th was my dad's birthday, I called him from Portland International to wish him well, he is now 56. Whoa. I resumed work on the 27th, and this last week has been rough. I have been pretty depressed about work... where my department is going, where the industry is going, and the local events. I wasn't feeling well on Tuesday, so I called in late... in the process of showering, I slipped and fell into the door of my bathroom... I felt pretty old on that one. I am usually pretty quick on my feet (I have been called quite graceful in the middle of immediate gravitational challenges) but this one hurt me pretty good. So I have been hobbling around for most of the week. I need a new challenge... work is just work. I feel the passion leaving me, and it pretty well sickens me. I need to create and build again. On another note, my boss was cool enough to let us go early on Friday, as most of engineering had already cut out... so I grabbed Super Dave, and we went to my place at Grapevine... This was our meeting spot to prepare for the Rangers game. Roadtrip, his woman, Edfgreen and pr00f all showed up and we journeyed to Arlington. The weather was not good, but we got some good pictures. It was very cool though, because we were walking in to buy our tickets, and this random dude came up and GAVE us 6 tickets. The tickets were for covered seating, and were worth about 42 bucks each. That was one of the coolest things I have ever seen anyone do... His only request was that we buy him beers. We happily obliged this request (something to the tune of \"we will get this guy VERY VERY drunk\"). hahah.. if the world was filled with people like that, then we would live in a better place! Random acts of coolness... We ended up sitting there, watching the field and the monitors... After some postponement, it was finally announced that the game was canceled. We had a pretty good buzz going at this point, so we decided to leave. Not one minute after walking out of the stadium, the rain hit. Big, BIG drops. By the time we reached the trucks, we were seeing marble size hail. So... we drove away, through the crappy weather... Super Dave and I came back to Grapevine, and prepared to hit the bar. The drive into Dallas was quite surreal, because of all the lightning and the backdrop of downtown. I had to pick up pr00f, because edfgreen was scared of the storm or something... haahh california people amuse me. I guess if you have never witnessed a texas storm, it could be disturbing. pr00f had never seen this stuff either, and he was awestruck. He took some great movies with his camera. I can't wait for these guys to see a tornado... hehehe. I am pretty sure if I ever decided to start chasing storms again, pr00f would go. We can convert him! Anyways, after picking up pr00f, we hit the bar, and come to find out, it was Eloy's birthday. Eloy is one of the bartenders, and he is pretty freaking cool. The entire bar recieved a shot at midnight in his honor. It also gave us a good reason to take pictures (pr00f went nuts on the girls, he shot a good number of the pictures that are on my album). I was drinking long island iced teas... many many many. After the bar closed, I came home, and I think I might have drunk dialed half of dallas. hahahah. I spent some time on the computer, sent a few emails (one should NOT send email while intoxicated). I took one of the laptops to bed, and ended up passing out in the middle of typing something. Great. Soooo, after sleeping in a good portion of the day, I am trying to decide if I have enough constitution points for round 2. DataShark and Lohki have been calling me to get me in on a poker game... These guys are good at poker, so I am refusing to be cannon fodder. It's funny to listen to DataShark... \"come on man! It's fun!) oh yah.. fun for someone who is
a expert at it... hahaha, he plays all the time. I think I will probably hop in the shower, and go find something to eat. If I feel a little better (I feel remarkably good at this moment, despite the festivities) I will go back down to Dallas, and hook up with Super Dave and the crew. I think Roadtrip and his woman wanted to hit Deep Ellum tonight. There may also be more Eloy celebration tonight as well. It's probably going to be a fun night in Dallas! Oh, I noticed something about my cat... she is quite bothersome UNLESS you play either Prodigy or Aphex Twin. I put on the Prodigy -Aphex Twin remix of \"Breathe\" and she just stopped beating on me to lay down and goto sleep. How funny is that... Poe is a hacker cat. Or raver.. I haven't given her NOS yet.. hahahaha. Anyways, it's saturday night, so live it up! Peace.
pr00f put this up in his blog.. so I will do the same..
Well... not much goin on. Went to the bar last night... drank a little bit, and came home. Pretty uneventful. The weather was beautiful last night, so I rode the motorcycle into Dallas. Thankfully, the week is over, and a weird one it was. I think I got some stuff done, but I am not looking forward to Monday... I defintely need a vacation. Burnt. Out. So, between the bible and the quantum physics books, I think I am feeding my head sufficiently. I kinda feel like drooling on the carpet actually. I think part of me is really really searching for the meaning of life as well as how science fits in with theology, and history.
Pretty interesting stuff. Basically, I think it means that I am tired of computer stuff at this moment, and I have too much time, because I am a bachelor. hahaha. Well, I have a ton of rants to type up for this place, but I am not in the mood right now, due to a slight headache and some slight hunger... so I'll post later.
Hi. Yah yah, I am kinda bummed... I guess its work mainly. Things just arent the same. I feel like I a
\"leveraged resource\" rather then a person. I feel
that I am now stuck. Silly, isn't it? Going from being the Go-To Guy in Security to Engineer, is kinda tough. I like engineering, don't get me wrong, but somehow, I feel that its mundane in some ways. It's not out in the front lines, it's not really encouraging people to learn, it's not driving the boat. Rather, I am a paddler. I guess this is good, I don't miss the stress one bit, but, I remember why I had accepted the stress in the first place. I am anti-social, but a leader. That is weird I think... but after reading my personality profile, it makes some sense. I like challenges. I like new things. I don't like feeling like I work in the NSA... I don't like not knowing things. I like openness in my environment.
I am a pretty up-front guy, and I had a open door
policy... You can come to me with a problem. Sometimes I feel that if _I_ have a problem, people would use it against me. Anyways, latest happenings... Orkut gave my profile back to me, citing that I had ignored a request to change my name \"Digital Ebola\" to something real. I never got the request, and I don't like being made to feel stupid. Of course, there is a chance, that maybe I did get one... but I don't think so. I have egrepped my mail box looking at all the communications from Orkut since I joined, and I don't see one. I am kinda touchy on this subject.. . Really, who are they to tell me what MY name is?
I have been published as Digital Ebola. People at my work call me Digi. My friends call me digi. So who is Orkut to tell me what my name is? Hopefully, they will let me keep my account. It would be nice. They will not determine who I am though. Let's see... last weekend, we drank in honor of Bulet Magnets trip to India. Not much really happened. I finally got my laundry done, bills paid, and house picked up. Crabby brought me over a new Bible, which is super cool, and I have been reading that. Oh and Dreawn is in town. He has been crashing here. I took him out for sushi last night, and he said he had never had it before. He liked it. He is REALLY into crypto. A great person to converse with about history and tech. Not much else going on... I gotta go, my phone is ringing, my AIM is getting swamped, and I am 4 minutes late for SOCOM. Peace.
Well... I got a automated response from Orkut:
Ahhh, a great finale to a crappy day. I come home, eat a sandwich and talk to pr00f on the phone. Pr00f is a great conversationalist. Anyways, feeling stressed and tired, I decide to check the messages and forums on Orkut. I have been a member almost since the damn thing went online... and what did I find? I'll show you:
Well.. This weekend has been a drinkfest.Friday night, DataShark, Lohki, and myself went to Lewisville... DataShark got his tat's finished, and
Lohki and I played pool. We drank. Alot. Lohki just kept the Yager shots coming... between that and the beer.. toasty. Midnight rolled around, and the place closed, Data had his tat finished, and was ready to go home. We were not. After we were dropped off, we went to Wilhoites, just down the street, and drank more. I ended up being asked to escort Lohki away, as he was no longer coherent of his surroundings. We came back, and he passed out on the couch, and I trudged to bed. My cell phone broke sometime Friday night. Looks like the display broke from the inside.. dont know how, but ask anyone, my phone sucked. Saturday morning, hungover badly, I got up when the damn thing rang. No display, but it still talked... it was Black_Hat... he underwent some stuff, and needed to talk... I wasnt very coherent and the piece of shit phone cut off. Like normal. I dodged the walls to get into the living room, and took some excedrin.. drank some water, and plopped in front of Wintermute.. stared at the screen for a few hours, until my motor functions were under control... cleaned myself up soon after, got Lohki up, and we had breakfast at Dennys. Soon after, I plopped 300 down on new phone, Samsung VGA-1000.Nice phone.. doesnt cut off the calls. Took Lohki back to his car, and I went home and fiddled with the phone. Worked on getting numbers back in it... When I looked up, it was 7:30pm... I called DarKnight and made plans to go to Times Square. We stopped at a mcdonalds, had some food, and went out... lots of women for sure. Talked about life, and played pool. I tried not to drink, but the people were getting to me. I downed a shot of Tequlia sans chaser, lime or salt, and the bartender chick made one of those \"yah baby, you shoot tequlia like a man\" remarks. I've heard this before, and its quite charming. About halfway into beer #1, my pool game started picking up, and I could deal with the people somewhat. I was trying very hard to not notice the people making out all around us... being single, and somewhat shy at the time, picky, and cautious.. well, thats prolly why im single. I did a pretty good job of shutting out the world, noticing the girls walking around, and playing pool. Of course, because I had done this, some dude sat down on my stool, and started making out with some chick. I accidently spilled my beer on him I think.. finally they went away. Depressed, I started playing pool with a vengence, laying down runs on poor DK... Some chicks came by shortly after, and one of them declared next game. She shook my hand, and held onto it for a while... and of course, I'm trying to figure this flirting stuff out, since she was just making out with some dude a few tables over. So, after another game of pool between DK and I, she finally finished making out with this dude, and came over to play. She pretty much took over DK's part in the game, and she declared a money game. 10 bucks... now, me being me, of course I accept. She calls the first game a warmup game, so I lose it. We play the second, and she continued her flirting act.. very aggressive woman. I was wondering what her man across the room was thinking of this. She gets down to one ball on the table, and I had 2. 8 ball was free.. I ran it out, and took the 8. She ended up only giving me 5 bucks.. but hey, 5 bucks from a female... whoohoo. Soon after, they went away, and last call was somewhat quietly announced. I got my debit card back, and another beer, and we closed the place. I dropped DK off and came home. Still depressed about the woman situation. Bleak. So... Sunday left.. I wonder what it will bring. I should do some laundry and pick up the house. Balance the checkbook. Maybe buy a really big fish for the fishtank. Or who knows, maybe Ill just sleep all day. I pretty much started drinking again, liver/kidneys be damned. I'm not really spose to be drinking heavy, because of the liver/kidney thing, but what the hell. I'm starting to sleep a little better, and in crowds... I pretty well need something to maintain. I'm doing everything I can to not think of work in my offtime. Trying to be somewhat normal.. but I sometimes wonder if I am a little too normal. Who knows. I guess I'll smoke the last cig of the evening, and get some sleep. I'll try to be productive tomorrow, I promise.
Ahh.. these evenings are becoming a routine. I leave work, and I am home about 5:30pm. I play with the cat and play computer... Sometimes I eat, sometimes not. Sometimes I have a beer or three, sometimes not. Pretty boring. Empty. My to-do list at work is pretty full, and I guess that is good. I
am supposively getting my truck back tomorrow. I have been battling with the other dude's insurance.. the lady is a straight up bitch. I guess we shall see how this goes... I think im going to miss my rental truck, its roomy and has some umph to it. I don't really have much to say, I am just here... Don't feel like really doing anything. Pully introduced me to Serious Sam... a very addicting first person shooter. I have been kicking it online, kinda like quake. I am getting ready for bed now, because my wrists are hurting for some reason.. fingers too. Actually, so are my knees. Hmm.. I really don't have much to say. Bye.
Oh, where to begin. I spent most of last week, working and trying to take things easy. I spent evenings at the gun range, or at the lake. I drove the motorcycle out to the lake, took a cigar and the acoustic guitar. Played for a while, while the sun set. I got my new lappy for work, it is pretty awesome. Gateway m675, 3.2 ghz, 17 inch screen, gig of ram. Very nice. I had a date, it went well, but we were spose to get together again on Thursday, and possibly Friday... it didnt happen. Kinda bummed about that. Roadtrip, pr00f, super dave and I went barhopping Friday night. Started out at the Rose, went out to Red River, and saw the Bellamy brothers. Roadtrip and I rode the mechanical bull. pr00f did not think it was wise to ride the bull, so he refrained. I tried every tactic I could think of. We had pretty girls ask him to ride it, even drunk dialed court from work (who is MEGA HOT) and had her ask. Did not work. We ended up going back to the Rose to close it out. I met this amazing girl, who likes to read sci-fi.. and just happens to be the valet's girlfriend. *sigh* Roadtrip, pr00f, bullet magnet and myself ended up going to IHop for breakfast. I don't recall when I got home. I slept in pretty late on Saturday, and ended up just sleeping the rest of the day on the couch... woke up around 9 pm, and got a little restless. Drove down to work, and picked up a machine from Gridmark... I moved the mud over to it and fell asleep at 6 am this sunday.. woke up at noon, and started scripting some more backend stuff, and did a fair bit of coding on it... I ordered pizza and vegged in the mud code. Now, the heart burn is killing me, I'm feeling kind of down, and im doing laundry. Vacuumed the floor, picked up the trash, cleaned out Poe's box. I am washing like everything in the house laundry-wise.. including the sheets. I get weird urges to clean sometimes... Yah, not feeling so great tonight... Would be really nice to curl
up in front of a movie with a nice woman... Perhaps its time that I start considering my vacation... at least get a change of scenary, and who knows what could happen. No tech, just beach, and fun stuff. Ah well, tomorrow is a new day... ill get my laundry in a bit, and then ill be able to get some sleep. I got my new whiteboard for work on friday, and I havent hung it up yet... something to look forward to. No words of wisdom, smoke em if you got em.
Well... Things tend to work out in weird ways. It takes stepping back to move forward, and so the sources of my depression, work problems... well, they are no longer present. I have moved into a security engineering role in my company. It's weird... I mean, yah, I do engineering things, but I have never been in the position where that was my sole responsibility... I got it figured like this: I turn caffine and nicotine into workable solutions. My specialty, of course, is Open Source and Snort IDS. My boss, is working out better then I had thought... of course, things have been kept pretty light so far, but if everything keeps going as it has the last 2 days, I could see a very long relationship here. There is no more stress, there is no more worry... basically, they say we need $THING and I will do everything to make that happen. I am learning to not live my job, and to find other things. It is a promotion, but it wasn't a anticipated plan. Things work out funny like that sometimes. I am just glad for the stress to be lifted... the depression is slowly coming off me, and I am actually feeling more energetic. There is also another development, and that is a certain female... well... I have been talking to this one certain female on the net, for about a week now. She seems to be very cool. I have been kinda closed off for sometime in that department... not that I didn't date, it was just thats all it was. I've had other ideas in my mind, and I realize that sometimes, again, things don't always work out as planned. Or hoped. Sometimes we have to let it go, and if something is supposed to be, it will. Yeah yeah... another paper, discussion and argument over what I believe the layout of the universe is... but I think I might actually have a small distorted grasp of it.. at least enough to know my place somewhat and be able to cope. Back to my point... I have been kind of a monk in the relationship department. Very guarded, very picky... I'd meet girls and date them, and I guess that was fine, but I never held onto them... because, it wasn't who I wanted to be. My close friends would scratch their heads, and say \"what was wrong with her? You are doing this to yourself, man.\" and I'd just look at them. Well... I have to open up. I have to live life, and let things take their course. Tired of fighting it... and it seems like somethings are working out. I might have a date this weekend... although unconfirmed, I am hopeful. In other news... theres not much going on. I have been working on my gun collection, and have been doing some shooting. I got my 9mm back from the shop, and it is supposively fixed, although the smith recommended a new magazine... Roadtrip and Bulet Magnet picked me up one last night. I am sitting here at work, debating about some range time tonight. I really do need to go, because I haven't fired my 9mm since I got it back.. and a untested weapon is a useless weapon. Soooooooo.... I guess I will get back to engineering things.. kernel compiles and more. Have a good one, everyone.
Well.. My state of mind has improved a small bit. I still feel doom and gloom, but I am holding steady.
Roadtrip and his cousin.. what do we call him anyways? Bulet Magnet heheh.. well, they came over and we went to the range. My 9mm is not feeding right.. getting to be quite annoying, so I left it with the gunsmith. I looked at the Ruger p95.. its okay, but I didn't go for it. Shot the .22 mostly.. we came back to the house and drove the RC car around. Now I am sitting here, wondering what to do with the Saturday night. Last night was okay, I went to the bar, had a couple shots of Tequilia and some coronas... My stomach started bothering me and so I went home. Talked online to a friend of mine for a couple hours and went to bed. Hoping that things change for the better... I'll probably just sit here tonight and play some SOCOM 2, and maybe pick around on the guitar. Weather was great today.. Spring is coming.. That will lift my mood greatly, I can't stand the cold.
Anyways, ill probably blog later, maybe something good will happen tonight!
Oh joy. 2 hours into the day, and I have had two acts of hostility towards me. Imagine this, someone tried to lecture _ME_ on security. *sigh* what the hell. Price of progress I spose. I need a vacation. This has been a crappy week. Anyone doing anything cool in Dallas tonight?
Yep. Didn't sleep too well. One more day... thats all I have to say. Hey, if everything keeps up the way its going, it will all soon be normal! Return to normality! Nothing will be abnormal, because the crap will have persisted for a period of time. It will be SNAFU. HAH! Anyways.. some insight to digi courtesy of eharmony.com (does this even work?)
One more time.
double yew tee eff!
I mean really. What is the use? I get up today, and start to feel that its going to be a good, and it's one of the crappiest ones yet. I didn't get anywhere at work, and I had a meeting that went totally wrong... Which made me feel even worse. I finally said hell with it, and went to lunch. I slipped up to DataShark's work, and smoked a cigerette, and then hit the mcdonalds drive-thru... it started pouring down rain, and you could barely see to drive.. After work, I came home and ended up going to Dennys to talk to Data and have something to eat.. I wasn't hungry, so I had a salad and made faces at Data's wife and little one.. oh and vented. Slippin, slippin, slippin. I guess I won't ever be optimistic in the mornings again, thats for sure. Oh yah, I changed the colors.. a little sec action and some template changes.. I might actually spruce some things up. Hell, I don't even feel creative now. I feel beat down. I am trying to remind myself that life has its ups and downs.. Everything has a reason.. try to be positive, trying to take some people's advice and not take work so seriously. I just don't want to be mediocre. That's all. I want to do things right. I want success. Is this wrong? Maybe I have lost focus. Maybe I shouldn't be concerned with the big picture. Maybe I should be mediocre. Hmmm.. I have a quotes file and it contains one that comes to mind... and it's mine actually. \"Every day is a new opportunity for success or failure, the mark of the lazy man is the outcome of neither.\" Maybe thats some Mark Twain BS, but somehow it came out of my head... and its quite true. Right now, I feel that I am failing. Which I guess is better then nothing. I see so many people that settle for nothing. They are happy just showing up and collecting their check. I can't stand that! I can't stand people that just take up space, bs their way through stuff... You can't fake the moment. That's all there is to it. Why do people try? So, tomorrow is Friday. I need to find something cool to do this weekend. I need to get out, and away. I have no idea what I am going to do. Maybe I will goto the aquarium or something. Hell if I know. I need to get some vitamins or something... I am dragging majorly... I wake up in the morning and it takes great effort just to get up and going. Thats not normal... Who the hell knows. I have nothing more to say. I think I will goto sleep.
Rah. Breakfast is done. Morning news cram is done. Took my 4 Excedrines and currently chugging Coke. Done. Caught up my work email, checked my calender. Damn meetings. I think today, I will code. I am feeling a little in the mood... I have been considering lots of stuff for both work and home... its just that I am rarely in the mood. I have been cramming for the CISSP lately, and I think that has something to do with it. Well, right now, everything is sucking. Everything. Work, home life, everything. I could drone on and on about how it sucks, or I could just drone on and on about something else. I am defaulting to creative mode, because thats what happens when I don't have a common outlet for this crap. It pretty well goes like this: Work hardly sucks, so I made that my passion and my life, and I put everything into it... like a tortise coming out of his shell, I branch out a little bit... work on the social life, or the love life, or anything else... I get involved and then something happens, and I say, \"life is sucking, time for work!!!\"... but lately, its not been that way, because, work is sucking.. some say its burn out, more or less, its just frustration. To add to it, the truck issue is not fun, and the love life... well, what love life? Alot of life is a juggling act... we juggle things from one to the other... work sucks, we lean on our significant other, when they suck (in the bad way), we lean on work... Humans, aren't truly independent. We have to be \"into\" something... Some of us develop a goal... \"I want to do everything myself\" or \"I want to be king!\" and others are just happy surviving... it all depends on where you put your focus... I am a mix of the two: I have goals, but I am into things. I try to be diverse. I am not so old and crabby that I won't be with someone. Likewise, because I am into things, I wouldnt want to be with them all the time... I would still need to work, and get away. I am not dependent. Moral support, from a female that understands... would be nice. Actually, I am not sure that anyone truly understands.. and then when I think that, I think maybe I don't truly understand myself... I do understand me. Unfortunately, unless I develop a nice case of schizophrania, I am going to be tackling all these feelings by myself. To do that, I keep a private journal... I spare people from that. I am not a self conscious person, but I still keep it encrypted and on my person. Kinda funny. Anyways, so random thoughts for the day: I am probably going to be revamping the rants page... I didn't want to stray from the format, because I like it, and thats what matters, but maybe the evil black background is getting to me? I don't know.. maybe its time for a change.. Something a little less depressive.. The hardest part for me, is I have been using this for several years now.. The format has been the same.. and now to contemplate change.. its freaky! I mean, some people change blog types every 2 weeks, and their thoughts are often lost in the transition... I couldn't deal with that.. I actually go back and read this crap. It helps me with self analysis, but more so, it reminds me of how far I have traveled. In 4 more years, I will look back on this entry here, and think the same thing. Its weird. I dunno. Maybe I will make some changes soon... we will see. Until then, be safe, and uhhh, RTFM.
Peace.
Well... what has been going on with me? Hell if I know. Everything is spinning. I've been working and living, and too much of one and not enough of the other. Today is my birthday (well for another 50 minutes). I am 27 years old. 3 years close to 30. Damn. It has been a real shitty month for me... work
is up and down, and my truck is wrecked. I have posted pictures of the wreck... I was doing the speed limit, and a dude came behind me and ran into me. My truck is in the shop, I have no transportation save for the motorcycle, and it's been really cold. I rode home in freezing rain the other day.. it sucked. I bought a PS2, and some games, and wireless controllers. I play alot of Socom II.. some of my friends at work play it... they invited me into their clan, and its called TKE. I've been playing about a week and getting better at it... one side note about the wireless controllers... they totally rock. When I need to compute and play at the same time, I fire up the TV tuner on wintermute (tvtime rocks my xfree!!) and I can still play and do whatever I need. Socom
II is rather addicting... It is helping with getting me away from things. My birthday has went okay, I am still alive... DataShark picked me up for work, and we talked, and my father called... I was happy to hear from him. I got into work, and dealt with some things, and tried to talk to the insurance companies.. the person who hit me has a crappy insurance company, they are not calling back, and I need a rental. Bastards. My mom called me and wished me a happy birthday, and it was nice. Various friends from the net remembered, and harrassed me. Many props to them.. After work, DataShark picked me up, and we went to Dennys. We had some food, and met up with Data's wife at Bestbuy. They bought some things, and I perused the PS2 games.. there was a cute chick at the cell phone thing, and I talked to her for a while until DataShark came back in to get me... He dropped me off at the house, and I played PS2.. I decided to write something.. and now here I am. I feel really drained atm, and my neck has been sore. Tomorrow is Friday, I have no idea what I will do, no vehicle kinda limits things. I guess I will probably sit at home and play PS2 or rebuild the mud box. It is back up, after some chassis swaps, but I really need to port it back to linux. I recently went to Maryland and defied myself.. I worked 31 hours straight doing what I do best... building linux things.. I am not sure if I can publically say anything about it, so I won't but... lets say that even though I didn't get to see hardly any sights, I enjoy a challenge. I accomplished my mission and took pictures of the Washington Monument as I drove the rental by it... I spent my last 20 bucks in cash (acquired from the nice people in the office, because of a mishap with the hotel, my plastic and murphys law) on sushi in Washington/Reagan airport. It was an interesting trip. I have this whole master plan for security in my head.. and I fear that I will never ever see it to fruitation.. Ever just wish to create? I do.. and security it something that I seem to just do.. and I have these ideas and plans and they work, but it seems as of late, I am not being challenged. Or I am being challenged in a way that is not productive. I can't figure out which.. I need to create. I need to build. I need to make a difference somewhere. I don't think some people understand this, and it hurts. I'm a systems guy, I love Linux, and I love opensource. I love to implement it, and I love to do something with free software that kicks the ass outta anything that costs 20 grand more. I guess I always did root for the underdog, but I have proved that its an effective approach. I realize that with the proper funding, I can build a managed security company that is almost entirely based off of opensource tools and human talent. I know enough bright minds, and have enough ideas, that I could do this prolly in 6 months to a year.
I don't like the biz aspect that much (although, its always nice when people want to talk to you bad enough that they buy you lunch or dinner at nice places). I am decent at procedures, and I am dedicated.. I guess that is why my present company keeps me around. DataShark says that I take my work too seriously... lots of people have told me this, but how else do you take it? Especially security? Working is my hobby, and when I am solving problems, when I am creating, or even on those dreaded 20 hour conference calls, I am in the ZONE. Bring me your crisis. Bring me your DCOM variants, your code reds, your nimdas and sql slammers. Doesn't leave much room for a personal life I guess, but since I don't really have one of those, I guess I'll work. I don't know.. I am tired, not just a fatigue tired, but mentally, very very tired. Today I am 27, but it feels like 50. I look at my team at work, and it makes me happy. They give me a reason to get up, to answer the phone, and to keep it going. Talented bunch of
guys, and they make me proud. I need a vacation. I need to get centered. I need realignment. Magic. I need magic. I guess I will goto bed now, as I am drained... To everyone that sent me their best wishes on this day, thank you... it meant more to me then you will ever know.
Long days.. Yesterday, my day started about 3:30 am... Spent most of the day on conference calls. I stayed home from work in an effort to get my toilet fixed.. it was running and caused an extremely high
water bill. Plumber came in the middle of a conference call, but got the job done. I passed out on the couch about 6 pm, and was woke up about 4 am, because one of my employees called in sick. I just took the 0600 turnover conference call, and now I am in the process of waking up. I had to check the Orkut mail.. Orkut totally owns me.. I just wish all the people that I sent invites to would actually get their invites... I am finding out that the scene here is larger then I once thought.. lots more of cool people here then previously seen... Thats something coming from me, because I am NOT a people person.. hehe.. Anyways, not much going on around here but work. I stayed home last weekend, except for a trip to the pistol range.. I am having a ejection problem with my 9mm.. Smokestacking is what they call it. I'll get it figured out. I got my taxes done yesterday and the bills paid.. Small victories. I always feel better when I get my bills paid. Its strange. Hmmm.. It's going to be a busy week at work again I think.. no immediate plans for this weekend, although I might go out on Friday... Gotta see how I feel. Ahhh well, its time to get this day rolling, gotta jump in the shower and get to work.
I am somewhat rested I think.. still tired though.
4 days left in the week!
Oh, where to start.. I don't know. I haven't been doing much, except working. I wake up in the morning, and I am on a conference call before I get out of bed.. (0600 turnover call) and then I force myself into the shower. I then smoke a 1/4 pack of cigs on the way to work, while fighting traffic and chugging 2-4 redbulls.. and then I walk in, pissed from the traffic, and shaking from the bull.. voicemails and emails galore. I then answer the voicemail, and email, and usually, but not always, theres a meeting of some sort. I take the meeting, call one of my team thats on shift, and smoke a cigerette. I smoke lots of cigerettes. Usually during this time, im trying to figure things out. After some projects, or some manager things, I usually either goto lunch, or smoke more cigerettes. Sometimes, I dont bother with lunch. If I do, I come back, do a meeting, or do projects, or manager stuff. Handle the day to day operations.. and then sometimes its 4:30 or 5.. and so I go home, smoking even more, and fighting traffic. I come home, and get on another conference call.. (the 1800 turnover call).. then I sit here, and stare into the blankness of the Internet.. eventually.. I get tired, and fall asleep. This is my usual day. Someone asked me the other day if I was happy. I don't know. I'm happy when I'm working.. and thats most of the time, but
I get unhappy when I am tired of work, or not working. Ew. SOooooo.. last weekend, I did have some fun. I went to my watering hole down on Greenville, drank some, came home. The next day, I had breakfast with DataShark, and then went to the
cigar shop. I bought a humidor and some cigars. After that, I went to the grocery store. I bought groceries. After that.. I don't really remember. OH yeah, I had dinner at Bahama Breeze. Cuban food. Not bad. Sunday, I went to the range.. and fired my new 9mm pistol. It shot well, but had some feed problems due to a dirty feed ramp. At 21 feet, I put all my rounds (two highcap mags worth, about 15 shots a piece) into the black. Nice groups. I shot my .22 pistol, and it wasnt even funny my groups were so tight. Roadtrip went with me.. we had fun. We came back.. and cleaned guns. I learned how to break down my 9mm. Its a hi-power
copy, so its not too different from a 1911 design.. Sunday went, and I started everything again Monday. Am I happy? I don't know. I feel that there is a great change coming, but I don't know what. I don't get scared very often, but lately.. well, I get those feelings of FUD. I hate that. Fortunately, work has been busy, Mydoom really sucks. I don't like SCO, but I feel the best way to break SCO is to break Darl.. with a 2x4.. repeatedly. Am I happy? I still do not know.
Words of wisdom? I have none kids, you are on your own this go around. I'm tired, and not just I worked today I'm tired.. but I'm tired. Longterm type of tired. I don't think a vacation will cure this one.. Well, maybe it would if I would actually take one.. I need to find magic again.
Erm. Yeah, whatever. It's New Years. I worked today, couldn't concentrate.. I have had this damn flu for a week now.. its pretty bad. Between the coughing and the headaches.. it hasnt been fun. I went over to DataShark's and saw him, his family, pr00f and Lohki. It was fun. We played cards and took pictures. Phemetrix was there too.. he has been staying at my place while he is on leave from the miltary. After a while there, I decided to goto the bar.. so off to the Rose I went.. and met up with Roadtrip, SuperDave and Roadie's cousin... we drank and watched a situation unfold. It was actually quite uneventful. I came home, and my mom called. Sooooo.. I was thumbing through some yahoo profiles and I noticed that someone had a link to something or whatever.. poetry. I'm bored so I click it.. and this person had a picture of ME on their site. Actually, several pictures. He is telling everyone that those pictures are him. I am pretty sure its a parody thing, put on by one of the local dallas people.. but its kinda disturbing to see someone use your picture. And this dude didn't just confine his antics to one site.. oh noooooooooo. He left a MASSIVE footprint on the net. Posting shit everywhere with pictures of ME. Its funny, but scary all the same. Anyways, I am tired, and my head is pounding.. happy holidays all, im out.
Hi. Yah yah, I haven't posted in a while. I have been busy. Work, has kept me slammed. I am now 8-5 Monday-Friday, managing my own team of security guys, and it takes alot of time and energy to keep doing the right thing. I worked on Thanksgiving with my team (I bought all of us dinner at Boston Market) . This year, I am going back to Oklahoma for a few days for Christmas, and it will be the first time in a long time that I won't be working the holiday season. I really, really *HATE* December. It just makes me depressed. I did attend
not one, but TWO christmas parties this year.. and
I wore a suit even.. Actually, I have been wearing
suit stuff more often now.. I guess it's kinda expected of me.. I am not a suit guy.. You may notice more pictures up on the site now.. I am now taking pictures of EVERYTHING... my friends hate it. hehee.. Well, they are all I got down here in Dallas, so what the hell. Bar hopping, christmas parties, dinners out.. even work.. I'll photograph it all. I hate this depression shit.. I feel like working even when I am off.. and the only thing that really keeps from doing so, is either I am tired, or I am so frazzled that it wouldnt do any good. I have been playing alot of guitar, and I have released a album and video.. the album is kinda weak on the audio.. so you would have to turn up your sound to full blast to hear it.. sorry about that.. but it came out okay! I am pleased about that. Let's see.. this weekend, I partied.. I went down to the San Francisco Rose on
Greenville, and closed the bar out.. left there, and went someplace I prolly shouldnt, and crashed a party. I guess I am good at that.. hmmm, what else.. oh, not a damn thing else. I am currently doing laundry and preparing for the next two days.. it's going to be hell. I have to report in the morning meeting tomorrow, and I have meetings scheduled, and then the Oklahoma trip. I am kinda looking forward to the trip.. I am getting a new Fender Telecaster for Christmas! My mom rocks. I couldn't think of anything I really wanted.. I guess what I want more then anything is something that I will never have. Ahh well, life sucks and then you die. I will try to blog before this month is out.. and yes, my New Years is COMPLETELY open.
HEH.
Hi. I had a okay day today, I guess. I slept in, got up and played computer for a bit. Haven't been feeling that well as of late, but I am getting along. I took a long bath, and took the motorcycle down to Dallas. I met some of my friends at Dave and Busters, for Roadtrip's 25th birthday. We played most of the games, and won these little rubber fish things. They look like the OpenBSD blowfish.. kinda cool. We went from there to the Rose down on Greenville, and had some food and some beer. I should'nt have drank, cause now I feel like crap. Ugh. There were some hot women at that place, all college chicks.. but I got the feeling that none of them really think. Kinda like a herd... I dunno. We left the Rose, and went back to Edf's apartment, where edf and roadtrip had a argument.. was kinda interesting. After that, I came back to Grapevine, and now here I sit. I took pictures of tonight's events, and they are posted. Wheeeeee. Oh.. I have two projects going on at the moment (non work projects!)... I am working to rid the computing world of binary. Its been half a century, guys! Can't we express ourselves in something else other then base 2? I have some ideas on how to communicate via frequency other then 1/0, but I am not sure if a VFO will be able to hold up... Anyways.. I am just trying to take a very different approach to processing, and I am kinda sludging through some theory.. The second project I am working on, is a book. I have started writing seriously again, and I am on chapter 3 of a fiction piece, that is sure to be pretty dark. It deals with the illumnati, the government, and the rights that American's enjoy... It's slow going, as I am having to do some research on a few things, but I am hoping to have it ready for editing by March at the earliest, September 2004 at the latest. I write for fun, so I can take my time... So, I guess that is my entry for the day, my head hurts and I feel like crap. I am going to bed.. oh yeah, Gator.com's software is SPYWARE! SPYWARE! SPYWARE!!!! Nyah.
Oh where to start? I really can't remember much of the last month. I have mostly been working, and playing paintball. Paintball is very fun, and a great way to work off the stress. I was very sore after my first game, but I am starting to condition to all the duckwalking and running. I bought a Tippmann A5, and it performs very well. I have also been playing Starwars Galaxies, and sleeping. I bought a new digital camera, the 2 megapixel Casio EX-S20U. It's very small, and not a bad camera for 250 bucks. You should start to see more pictures on the site, as the cradle works
under linux as a USB mass storage device (camera takes security digital memory cards). Oh, I am proud to say that pr00f will be working for me, and I am very excited. I think I just might have created one of the most elite security teams that this industry has seen. I have 4 full-timers, and Roadtrip, who is my backup. My boss seems to be psyched and very pleased at my picks, so things should go well. I am pretty tough on my team, and I think if we do not kill each other, in 1 years time they will be damned elite. It really is exciting to be able to handpick your team, and watch them grow. Our team as a whole (server side guys included) is my family. They are kinda iffy about me taking so many pictures (I love the new cam) but I am not sure they have realized why yet... I don't do anything but work, and I don't exactly have a family of my own save for the few in Oklahoma.. these guys are all I got cept for a few friends outside of work. Speaking of my extended family, DataShark has decided that he is going to start flying. I think thats very cool, but its defintely a task to undertake. I hope he sticks with it, because it would be mad fun to go flying with him. And of course, OmegaOne has been doing some flying of his own.. without the plane. Yes, he bails out of airplanes. So I can just see this situation happening.. The 3 of us take off, and we are flying around Dallas, checking out the lakes and stuff, and all of a sudden, OmegaOne screams and bails out. Hehehe.. Let's see, what else goin on.. OH! I am sick of spam! I have decided to move to a whitelist. If you are not on my whitelist, shoot me a email, and I will add you. I still get mail, its just dumped to a folder called spam.. of all things. I don't check it that often, but I do check it. I am thinking about writing a little php form so people can add thierselves to the list. Hmmmm. Anyways, I am scatterbrained, and my nerves are pretty shot, I haven't been sleeping well, and I have been getting nausous kind of sick. I am going to go. Hopefully, I will post with a better frequency.. it's hard to stick to things sometimes..
Hi. Lot's of things happening since last post. Most of which I cannot really remember. Must learn to post with more frequency. I replaced my aquarium yesterday. It looks sweet. Parts and all was about 250 bucks. I needed a new tank, heater and gravel. I also purchased some cory catfish, and some plants. Took me about 3 hours to break down the old tank, clean everything, and build the new one. I had forgotten just how nice a clean tank feels... It really makes the apartment happy.
I have cleaned on the place somewhat, and I even got a dresser from DataShark. Over 3 and a half years, and I have not had a dresser.. I really am a minimalist sometimes.. just as long as my hardware is up to date. =) I have another doctor's appointment on Thursday... maybe I will get some things fixed. I must say.. I really don't want to leave my house at all since I got it picked up, and feeling nice. Paradise is where you build it.
I am coming up on the end of summer, and I am behind on my projects.. I want to go skydiving and I want to get my eyes fixed. Fear the laser. It's time to start thinking a little bit more about my health... while I am not converting to a total freak, and I refuse to quit smoking.. I should eat better and get some items fixed. Soon.. I think I will get it all handled.. This winter's project will be a new motorcycle. Prices will be cheap, and I will have a tradein and downpayment.. it's nice to have goals. Work has been going well.. I am a little frustrated at a couple of things, but everything is moving along quite nicely. All in all, I am pretty damned happy. Content... Its time to have fun, and work hard. 2nd day of the month, and I have already paid all my first of the month bills, and the laundry is done. I feel better when everything is in order.. soooo.. life is great.
I must go now, and pick up some new bedsheets, and a shower curtain.. and some other stuff. Be well all.
Well.. This week has been crazy. So far, I have worked a total of 40 hours. 24 hours straight on Monday, 14 hours on Tuesday, and at least 2 hours today. The blaster worm really stinks. Lesson to the kiddies: firewalls are not effective. Old news to lots of us, but corporations still depend solely on their firewalls and routers to provide filtering. What happens when you allow unfiltered dial-in or vpn? Hmmm? Anyways, I am really tired. I have been getting sleep, but I am still sick. It feels like someone has hit me over the head with a 2x4. I can't keep thoughts, my mind wanders. My right shoulder hurts, my ankles and knees hurt, and my fingers and wrists are numb. I'm losing my mind. The doctors office told me the blood results would take one week, and canceled my appointment. They do not seem to really care that I do not feel
well. I am getting to the point that I think I am
just going to be like this for a while. I really hope not, its affecting my work, its affecting my entire life. I have never had a problem keeping thought threads together, but at this point, its a lot of work to write this rant. I think im going to go. Bye.
Ugh. Still sick. I don't know if I am getting worse or better. My fingers are numb, my back tingles, my ankles and knees hurt. I am very very tired. blah.
Hopefully, my blood tests will come back tomorrow and all of this will fixable. I have tried to remain active as much as I can today. I started the day off by consulting with one of my friends on his college project. He is doing some linux/wireless madness with the Grapevine fire department. Pretty cool stuff. We had breakfast at Dennys and talked about different ways to implement stuff. I played computer for some part of the day, and then thought I would do laundry and clean. I hooked my lappy up to the sound system, thinking some fuller type of sound was in order. I have a Sony tuner, hooked up to some crap speakers. Well, the speakers were blown. I decided to take my laundry to the laundrymat and buy new speakers. I went to radio shack and purchased some 100-200 watt RCA speakers, 3 ways. 12 inch wolfer.
Not bad. I came back, and met one of my neighbors who is just moving in. I dropped one of my speakers. Talked to the neighbor some more, and then went inside and hooked everything up. By the time that was done, it was time to change the laundry. I came back, and picked up the house, took out some trash, and ran the vacuum. House looks a little better now. I went and got the laundry, and came back and folded. Now I sit here, in front of the machines, tired as hell. Roadtrip is coming over with his lappy, so I can maybe find a problem he is having with his ethernet. Speaking of ethernet, I am doing a really cool thing with my lappy. Since I bought new speakers, I have run a cat5 drop from my switch to the entertainment center. I use Samba to export mp3s to my lappy, and then I export xmms from the lappy back to my workstation. I can now control the tunes remotely, and the sound is very full, due to the tuner and new speakers. I think soon, I will build a dedicated fileserver, and integrate it with entertainment center, as moving my lappy around will be a pain. Of course, the lappy has tv out, which makes things kinda nice. I can control all of it remotely from my desk. Being sick really bites, but at least I can think of cool things to get my mind off it.
Hi. It's been a while since last rant. This one will probably be a short one, since I am kinda scatter-brained at the moment. We went to Defcon 11, it was fun. I got sick. I don't know whats wrong, so I went to the doctor. Doctor took blood, and will let me know next week. I have a follow-up appointed next week as well. They don't know. I am tired. Very , very tired. I get sleep, and wake up
drained. My knees hurt. My mind is shot. As I sit here right now, my fingers don't even want to type. I am drinking a coke. Maybe it will pick me up. I can honestly say for the first time in a long time, that I am a little disturbed by this sudden event. I've been sick alot in my youth, and I was never really that bothered by the thought of
never recovering. Survived rheumatic fever, and some other stuff.. never really realized how bad things were, even in the hospital. Lately, I have been realizing, I have alot of fight for on this earth, alot of things to lose. Lots of friends, good job, and a future. My mom is excellent, and even my dad gives a shit when its really really important. Kinda puts it all into perspective. I don't like doctors. I only go when its bad, and right now, I am wondering just how bad it all is.
Being tired really really sucks, even after you have slept 10 hours. At least work is going well. I finally have a complete security operations team, and I have confidence that we are going to do the right thing and kick butt. Very pleased with the new hires, and look forward to challenging them. Roadtrip has been extremely supportive, and I could ask for no better partner in crime. He handled my affairs while I was away at DC, and I had not one worry. Back to the DC thing, I had a okay time. I saw everyone that I wanted to see, and met a few new people that are really awesome. I think this weekend is going to be a lazy one for me, I just don't feel well. I am going to stick at home, and play computer. I slapped a Athlon xp 2500 into Neuromancer.. For the first time since 1996, my windows box is faster then my primary linux box. Has to be, for Star Wars Galaxies! hehee.. anyways, until next post, remember: life sucks and then you die. Enjoy the sucking. Peace.
Hi. I'm really tired. I have had a couple busy weeks. First of the news.. I sold the Porsche. It was hard, but I think its time for something new to play with, and really, who needs 3 vehicles? Okay, thats my justification, I miss my car. heheh.. I have been playing Star Wars Galaxies now since the production release.. I must say I am addicted. I love star wars! Oh.. Edfgreen and Gridmark will be joining the Dallas crew, as they are now employed as security analysts. That is really cool. It's been a experience for me, as they are both super intelligent. They are young however, and it takes me back to when I was 20, and lacking.. maturity. Both will make fine analysts, and as long as they work hard, they will go far. I believe in them. Other news.. I leave for Defcon on Wednesday morning. Going to be in Vegas until next week. It's going to be cool to see all my friends, and party down. I don't party much, and while this is a working vacation, it's still a vacation. I hope to meet new people, even though I am not good with people, and have lots of fun. This will be my forth trip, and we are going out a day before the con, to get the gambling out of the way.. well most of the gambling. I usually win enough to keep me going all weekend, and cover the expenses.. neat! Blackjack is my game. I will be staying in the Luxor the first night, and then the Alexus.. I have never stayed in the Luxor, one of the few keen places that I haven't ever stayed.. should be a experience. Plus, I am traveling with DataShark and OmegaOne, and this other cool dude named Richard.. Lunacy is sure to follow.. I couldn't ask for better travel companions, as it will be non-stop comedy the entire flight, and then some. We have all earned a nice break from the Dallas scene, so crazy isn't even going to come close to describing our trip. Oh.. LoU is releasing version 13 of Keen Veracity this week. I have to put 3 articles in, and then hand it over to Phriction, who will do the rest. My articles are over Security In A Hurry, My Laws of Information, and the issue's 30 second scripting solution. The Security In a Hurry is a document for people shoved into the role of corporate security.. I have probably written better, but its a quick and dirty guide of what to expect.. Yes, I have experienced it. The scripting solution is a backup script I wrote that utilizes Samba.. another quick and dirty hack that works like a charm. Work has been uber stimulating as of late.. I have taken on some cool projects, and I am transitioning into the role of lead security analyst.. My review stated that I have been doing it for 8 months anyway.. but now, I am being leaned on to \"Do the Right Thing\" and drive my area to the next level. This is the kind of stuff I like. I love being able to mold, craft and create.. building something into a success is what really motivates me. Its funny though.. its hard to see how anything at any company ever gets done. The politics, the infighting, its like high school sometimes.. I was never great at high school, but I guess I am doing okay in the Corporate environment. I would be happiest if I could just build and create, and not have any negative resistence. I don't mind positive resistence.. I like being put on the spot sometimes, and I like having my world \"attacked\" sometimes.. the best procedures, plans, and processes always survive audit, and I am only human. I need other input, and even when someone is trying to sink my projects, I will do my best to weather it out, and improve. If I can weather it out, then the process is hardened, much like if you were to pen-test a server.. A little pressure goes a long way. A lot of people don't realize that about me I guess.. They will say something negative, and try to tear me down.. I will get frustrated, and come back 10 fold, and be stronger then before. I will keep doing that, and eventually, I will be what the gods classify as \"uber\". hehehe, that was a joke, but really, pressure me. Torment me. Make me improve. Use personal attacks to my logic, and my logic will win everytime. Fight dirty. I like it like that. =) Anyways.. I have been thinking positive for some time, and it really helps. I start to slip (who doesn't) but then I get that jolt that I need, and I continue on. I like to win. Hehe.. I need to shut my rant mode off.. I am so tired, I am just dumping the inner monologue.. well the decent parts anyways.. =) With that said, I guess I better get to sleep. For those of you that can't make it to Las Vegas this year, I will defintely miss you, and you all know who you are. For those of you that I haven't met, I look forward to the pleasure, and for those of you that are going.. Thursday we will all be on Vegas time.
The words of wisdom have already been spoken for this submission.. so I leave you now. Happy trails to all, and be cool to each other. It might just earn you a drink in Vegas. =)
Well.. I stayed out too late last night. I haven't slept. Trying to keep my schedule in sync... I will be crashing pretty soon.. Not much is going on.. I built a web portal for myself.. Just stuff that I use alot, all in a single page. pr00f says it is ugly, but I like it.. It's been a decent day all in all, aside from being tired. Worked on the portal, and spent most of the day on the phone.. talked to pr00f for a while and then I talked to xtal from sweeden. She is awesome! I talked to a couple coworkers about work stuff, and now I am exhausted.. I don't think I will be talking to anyone on the phone for the rest of the day.. I have tons of work to do tomorrow, and lots of email to catch up on. Fortunately, I only work 2 days this week.. all I need to do is get in there and get it done. Hmmm.. I really need to re-record the guitar stuff, but my fingers are all stiff and I doubt it would come out right.. oh well.. I'll save that for another time. Ahh, I am gonna go, I require sleep and my brain is no longer functioning.
Ahh. Lazy day. Slept til noon. Didn't care. Played America's Army
for most of the day, and then went out to Tia's with DataShark.
We had some food. I haven't been doing much of anything...
Played some more America's Army and strummed around
on the guitar.. Not much else going on. Counting down the
days until Defcon. My vacation.. sad to say. I need out of this
burg.. I still feel like I am missing something.. not as much..
but I am missing something. Hopefully that feeling will go away.
Maybe I will think of something neater to say later.
Today was a interesting day, to say the least. I cruised into
work, was somewhat productive for the first part of the day.
Had a meeting at 10 am, and it went well. Had lunch with
Roadtrip. We went to the Gengis Grill. I had never been
there before.. cool place. Not many people, and hell, stir fry
is always good. I spent most of the day kinda upset, as I
realize working days is a major change for me. I am not a
people person, and it is tough learning to interact with some
people, that would probably rather not interact with me. I
question life, and it brings answers. Well kind of. My ex-fiance
called and asked me if I wanted to go out to play pool. I did.
I worked the rest of the day, or attempted to work, I think the
earlier mornings thinkings, coupled with a social outing with
her.. well, put me in a frame of mind that is not usually like
me... Fear, anticipation, paranoia, confusion, loss for words..
happens even to me. I came home, and played some
America's Army, always good to frag out.. Anyways, that
time rolled around, and we went out with her roommate.
Played some pool at the main event. That place has changed
and I don't really miss it, but it was good for the outing, as
the pool tables are nice. We talked. Like humans. I always
asked myself the question, if I ever could have a conversation
again. If I could ever forget. Yes to the conversation, no
to the forget. Things have indeed worked out for our individule
lives.. I am most grateful for all of that. The big question that
most would ask.. Do I still love her? Yes. I always will. In a
sense, its almost like reliving it all, and breaking up all over
again. Like replaying a bad take in a B rated straight to
video movie. We talked. We conversed, we understood.
It all came back to me, from a repressed hell that is part of
myself. Memories, of our very first pool game, in Philly.
My ego grating on her, and her total tough attitude intriguing
me. My mind wandered, both to the past, and the future that
we had to give up to keep from literally killing each other.
I said I would always love her, and I stand behind that. She is
going to do well, and that is the best. Incidentally, strangely
enough, today is our engagement aniversary. This was not
intended, but I think somehow it worked that way, cause of
the birth of DataShark's daughter (who is 3 today, Happy Birthday!)
Interesting how it all comes out, but in a sense I feel that
some demons have been excercized. I might actually be
able to sleep a little better. I do not sleep well at present, nor
have I been able to sleep soundly for a long time. About the
only time that I can sleep soundly, is in my bed in oklahoma.
That is home, always will be, and I do miss it. Like stated
in a earlier rant, we came here looking for our future. We got
something totally different, but in many ways, could be better.
Continuing on with this little life bit.. It was time for her to go,
and we walked out and hugged. She went her way, and I came
home.. I got lost in my own thoughts on the way home and
almost got creamed by a truck. I was on the motorcycle.
Damn yield signs. Thats okay though. It was the perfect
explanation for the moment. What do you do? Do you stay
and linger and get hit, or do you gas the bike, and haul balls
onward. I hauled balls, no doubt to the displeasure and
relief to the driver. He probably cussed me for not yielding
and then relieved when I hit the gas to avoid being his
hood ornament. Thats what pressing onward is about though..
a little displeasure and a whole lot of relief. I did not decide to
dally around either. I punched it. Story of my life. I punched
it after Kris, thinking I would never look back for the truck,
and hell, I did, and its not bad. I have my friend back, and
while we had our issues, she could also be one of the most level
headed people that I ever talked to. At this moment, I don't
know whether to go get some beer, or just chill. I think I am
going to chill. I am taking a day off from work tomorrow..
Going to do some analysis from home, and think. Working
from home is fitting right now, and if push comes to shove,
I have like 150+ hours of sick time. I need a mental health
day, even if I am still going to be watching the IDS and
reading the advisories.. Tis good though, cause I get GOOD
coffee, and the ablity to smoke cigerettes on the job.. and
hell, I can blast my mp3s as loud as I want. and noone will
bitch about me riding in the service elevator. Or using the
IP spreadsheet. Oh, in other news, DataShark has FINALLY
gotten our tickets for Defcon. We are flying in July 30th.
If anyone wants to hook up and have a party.. well, I will be
there with some of my very best friends. We will be hax0ring
and drinking.. some gambling.. and more hax0ring. Its almost
a working vacation for me.. lots of people to meet, and lots
of ideas to exchange. CTF this year is sure to be a blast.
Digital Revelation.. LOOK OUT! hehehe.. Anyways.. I'm
going to chill for a bit. I need to unwind. Peace.
Wow. Days are weird. I don't think I have been up this much
during the sunlight hours in a long time. Its very different.
I slept in today.. got up and reheated some pizza. Played
some america's army, made some calls. Checked my
work email and my home email.. Not much going on really..
Finally got stir crazy, packed up the acoustic guitar, and
jumped on the motorcycle. Drove to the lake, picked a nice
uninhabited spot, and played guitar for a while. Came back,
dropped off the guitar and went out riding. Drove around for a
bit, and stopped at arbys for some dinner.. Arby's manager
has a sweet bike. Came home, ate the arbys, and argued with
pnts about crispers and how they dont work. They don't! All
my veggies always go soggy. Now, I am kinda sleepy,
but I am gonna goto dallas. Weather is nice, so I'll take the
bike. Tommarrow, the agenda is to get a haircut and hit
work for a couple hours, as I have a meeting. Anyways..
Still alive, daylight hasnt combusted me yet. Hehehe..
Until next time.. peace out.
It's been a pretty decent day. I got up to find my windows
box dead. Drive failure. I replaced the drive, and reinstalled.
Smaller drive, but oh well. DataShark came over, and we
went to autozone and sonic for some food. He engineered
a temporary solution to his cooling issue on his car. I continued
to work on the windows box after he left, and then I took the
motorcycle out for a ride. Drove around the lake, and the
new construction close to my house.. sped down 114 for
a while, and then took a spin around the mall. Came back,
and installed some more stuff on the windows box, had some
coffee. I was watching some history channel show about
godfathers when I was called by my hottie friend in the air force.
She totally rocks, and is mad intelligent. I guess I might
be taking a roadtrip in two weeks to go hang out. So, now..
I am listening to tunes, and installing some more stuff on the
windows box. It's running pretty smooth. I wonder how long
that will last.. I gotta get some sleep soon, so I think I will
go out on the porch and play some acoustic guitar and
enjoy the sunset.. whats left of it.. I have work at 0600 tomorrow.
Its going to be weird working during the day.. kinda feels like
my first day of school, or even starting a new job.. Which I
am kinda.. I look forward to it, hopefully I will be able to get
some stuff done. Anyways, until next time, be well!
Hmmm. It's saturday night. What am I doing? Not a damn thing.
I have been trying to relax. I start working days next week.
This will be interesting. I spent last night working on the
network, and alot of today.. Everything on my home net should
be working well. Roadtrip came over, so we went to grab
some food, and then to buy some clothes. Met up with
DataShark and OmegaOne at Frys. Roadtrip spent money.
After that, we all met up at my place, where DataShark's car
promptly blew up. Actually, he has some coolant issues.
I grabbed my pistol, and we all went to basspro, so we could
shoot on the range. I had a blast. I put a few in the center at
70 feet.. Also fired Data's springfield loaded. I am not sure
if I am gonna buy a .45.. its kinda difficult for me to get on
top of it.. well, I am not used to it, never had a .45 when I was
growing up.. I might go with a .357 instead.. anyways..
we had fun. Left there.. came back to my place, and I let
DataShark take the porsche. He looks kinda humorous
driving it.. After everyone left, I cleaned my pistol, and
started playing around with wintermute.. I upgraded mozilla,
and then java quit working. I upgraded java, and that didnt
work. Come to find out, mozilla is compiled with gcc3.2 and
the deb of blackdown java is compiled with gcc2.5 - BAH!
Oh.. I am slowly getting over my burnt out streak.. I can
think again.. I built a new firewall for my net the otherday..
getting ready to build another for a friend. Oh.. yes.. 2.4.21 is
out, so every linux box on my net is now upgraded. Neat, eh?
I'm doing okay tonight.. a little tired.. and actually, kinda
lonely, but not too lonely, but kinda wondering what I *could*
be doing right now. I dunno. I am happy though.. I have
to resist the urge to goto work.. Its tough, I am burned out
a little on work, and yet, I end up trying to go there on my days
off. Defintely need a vacation, cant wait til Defcon. Hmm..
I think I am gonna make some coffee, and maybe some chicken
broth or something. Until next time, be well.
Well.. I think I am burnt. I haven't felt mentally right for the
last couple of weeks. I am not depressed, not happy nor sad..
I just can't focus or think. I took Sunday night off work, didn't
feel well at all.. Roadtrip came over, and we ended up cleaning
out my front closet and utility room. We found lots of treasure.
I also found some memories. Some of my ex's stuff was in
the utility room. I hadn't have seen her in almost 2 years..
I tossed out alot of junk, kept her stuff, and emailed her. Still
alive and in the area, she and a mutual friend came over and
got the stuff. Caught up on some times, it was awkward, but
it went okay. My ex is doing well, got her stuff together, and
I am proud. I think I have been haunted since the day we broke
up (october 1st, 2001) but I have done what I always do: fight
through it, and put it behind me. Perhaps there was some
residule that needed more closure, or perhaps I in fact recognize
some part of myself that is not a complete ass. I don't know.
I have been in love with alot of women, but that solid state of love
the kind of love that makes you willing to live or die for the
other person.. I have not felt for many. Her, I did, and some
part of me remembers. Wounds may heal, but there is always
a little scar. In this case, this scar built character for us both.
We didn't turn out that bad. When we moved to Dallas, we came
here with the full intention of taking life by the ears, and making
it work for us. Conquer it, be together, love each other, and be
happy. It didn't turn out that way, but I have been doing well
for some time, and she always had a little catching up to do..
We simply were not properly matched at that point, different
stages of life, and it conflicted us. In the end, I see that it worked
out. She is fine, I am fine, and at least I know there is no ill
will on my part. I do not feel mad, angry, or anything.. more
retrospective. We accomplished our goal in the end I guess,
it just took us taking seperate paths. Life works itself out.
Maybe that is what love is, to still give a damn, even after
a harsh ending. Yes, believe it or not, I do give a damn, and
it has taken up until this day to recognize that fact. I think
I may have found some peace in this, as I always felt a
little responsible for some of the shit that happened. Granted,
not a guilt per se, but more of a damn, I really influenced this
situation and look where it went. Well, its done now. Everyone
made it okay, and life goes on. This brings me more joy
then I can put into words. Things work out in the end, maybe
not the way you intend, maybe with some pain, but I can rest
easy knowing she isn't having to live in a crate and eating
from a dumpster, and I think I will rest easy knowing she
is doing okay. As for me, I have life by the ears. It doesnt
always go the way I want, but I have learned some freaking
adaptability. I will perhaps take a ride out on the motorcycle
tonight, after some coffee and a couple smokes.. I will
think about these thoughts, perhaps even remember all
the good times, and know, there are more good times ahead.
I love life, even though it hurts, even though it baffles me,
but I think I finally might have found some peace in knowing
it all works out in the end.
Hi. I'm tired. I'm burnt out. I'm blah. I worked the last couple
days. Not much going on, just trying to BigGeezer up to
speed. He is coming along nicely. I dont know why, I have
been really really tired lately. I am getting sleep, although
I must admit, I could be sleeping better. Nothing at all has
been going on.. Went to Oklahoma last week? Saw my
mom, and some friends.. got some tomato plants and a
shotgun. Tomato plants died first day I put them on the patio.
I have a black thumb. I am watering them every other day,
inside the house. I have sprouts. Hopefully they will go
ahead and pull through.. Oh well. I fell into peer pressure,
and bought the retail of Eve: Second Genesis. It's fun.
Passes the time. Thats pretty much what I am doing right
now. Playing Eve, fighting sleep. I don't want to sleep..
seems like I sleep alot, but I dont get any rest. Odd as that
sounds. Ah well. I don't have any words of wisdom today.
Go forth and find your own, when you do, let me know.
Peace.
Hi! Just thought I should update.. Not much going on, it has
been a busy few weeks around here.. Let's see, starting a
few weeks back: I went to a Sourcefire shindig in Dallas.
Got to see their product demo'd. That was pretty neat. I locked
my keys in my truck, and had to break into it. Total overall
time was about 45 minutes.. but after I had the right tool..
3 minutes. Feh... Lets see.. did some work, time goes on.. lala..
I cleaned house.. its dirty again.. I saw the Matrix Reloaded..
good flick.. lala.. hmmm. I upgraded my network, and a couple
machines. Everything is running properly. I have updated
a few things on the site here.. Oh yah, I am addicted to the
history channel now. What else.. Nothing really to rant about,
nor anything interesting happening. Just work and sleep, and
computer stuff. I guess I will goto sleep or something now.
Maybe something interesting will pop up this weekend.
Later.
Ahhh. I have had a good weekend. I have spent most of the
weekend hiding. What have I been doing? Oh, a little shopping,
a little sleepin, and who knows what else.. I bought a new
guitar (an acoustic) for lake visits and stuff.. and I bought a
new amplifier for my electric.. The amp is a Marshall. I am
very pleased with it. It sounds great. Just like my guitar, it
plays better then I do. Its fun though, I really enjoy it. I just
went and slapped down 200 bucks on groceries, defintely
needed some stuff around here.. Poor Poe needed food!
Now with a full stomach and a cigerette smoked, I am going
to clean the house.. It really needs it. I will actually run the
VACUUM. Yaaaaaaar. I love having the weekends off.. I wish
it was like this every week. Tonight, I will play some computer,
and maybe take the motorcycle out for a ride, if it doesnt
rain. Tommarrow, back to work - ugh. I have scripts to write
at work, now that I have upgraded the entire Snort infrastructure...
Ugh,, now I am thinking of work! Time to go clean. Fear.
Wahhhhhhhhh. Its almost go-home time. I could really use the 3
days off too. I am just tired. Ready to go! Whats on the agenda
this weekend? Well.. some movies, maybe a trip to the always
fun firstsaturday sale.. (if you dont know what this is, think
street market with computer hardware) and uhh, who knows?
I had some fun tonight at work... one of my cables died for
a piece of production equipment. We ran new cable.. had to
work around 4 rows of cabinets, and pull hella tile. DataShark
calls me in the middle of it, (get your ticket for movie or it will
be sold out!!!) I am however not that dramatic. I'll get it. I busted
out like 18 analysis things on traffic.. and uhh.. slow night.
I was just reading a thing on William Gibson and his blogging..
He was saying something that blogging may interfere with his
writing.. I can kinda see that, but it doesn't affect me much. It
has only taken me up until a few months ago to accept a rant
as a blog... the name just seems too catchy and mainstream.
I dunno.. maybe that is just me. Anyways.. I do not run out of
ideas even when I may write them here. Maybe it's my frequency
of post, or something.. Hell if I know. I don't really see a need
to constantly comment on the news.. opinions are like assholes..
etc.. everyone is doing it.. besides, I have a seperate section
for the really assinine stuff.. I think mostly, I see the rant/blog as
a place to try and sort out my inner monologue and maybe dig
up something that wouldn't come up otherwise.. I have been
pretty effective and finding new thoughts while writing here...
I also find ideas in the shower. Actually, lots of ideas flow in the
shower, and I find that odd, but also perfectly natural. Oh, I did
have a thought the other day.. about the Matrix... When they
load all that useful shit into their head.. I kinda see that loading
protocol/device/communication as Google. When I don't know
something, or when someone is like \"I'mmmmmmm stuck!\" and
if _I_ am stuck.. well, its just like, gimme a second. In 5 minutes,
I usually have the answer, and now we have both learned. I could
really see a neural interface, optical overlay, wireless type system
that would let you do this.. close your eyes, think Google, and
think about your search query.. and instantly you get data on it.
Since it is a neural interface.. parsing that should be quick and
painless.. although the humor starting out with be priceless...
\"I keep searching for stuff while thinking about sex, and these
damn popups keep appearing in my head!\" Yah.. pretty freaking
scary. It would be highly useful. Maybe that other 90 percent
of the brain we don't use is for cybernectic integration? We can't
consciously tap it, but with the right gear, we possibly could,
and maybe that is all part of our evolution. I'm all for the marriage
between silicon and organics.. If it allows me to create new things
to benefit humanity.. then ROCK OUT!!! Seriously. Plus, playing
cards would be cool if you could pull a rainman like stunt without
being a complete vegatable. Hmm.. anyways.. if you couldn't
tell, some of my direction in life is kinda research into the mind,
more to the point of creating a computer based on it.. Someday
I am going to get some heavy hardware hackers together with
some brain techs and see what the hell we can come up with...
Moore's law, my ass... ahahhaah. Anyways, its almost time
to give the morning report and be gone with myself. Remember
my children... when hacking your mind, be sure that you always
have a known good backup.. peace out, and to quote my very
favorite author.. My ass outta here!
Long weekends bite. Day 1 of 3 is complete. I am tired, but
I don't feel like sleeping. I hate it when that happens. Anyways,
it's one of those days. I called my Dad.. it is his birthday, and
I tend not to forget these things.. So I called. Nothing else
going on but work. I need to take a break. I can't. It's okay
though. I can take it. I really don't have much to say. I just
felt like writing about nothing, which I guess is what these
rants are about. haha. Poe keeps messing with me.. getting
on the server table.. She _knows_ she is not spose to get
on the servers.. but yes, she does. Sometimes I think she
likes to push me around. Anyways, I'm gonna smoke a cig
and goto bed. 2 more days.
Wow. Do you ever feel like you could be doing more? Or
like you are here to do something, but you aren't doing it...
I do.. alot.. It's weird.. I feel that I am supposed to be coming
up with some innovative ideas about something, and somehow
I feel like I am running in place.. Hell if I know what this feeling
means.. I guess that is why I work alot.. hmmm.. lately work
has been kinda bland.. all of this stuff I have done, and
somehow I am not satisfied.. I don't feel like I am getting anywhere..
I don't know.. I am not bored, but I would like to see progress.
Someone presents a project, I whip out a project plan, and its
like... stall. I *HATE* stalling. Let's get it done people!!! Damn.
Anyways, I made the mistake of ridiing the motorcycle in
last night (it is fixed btw, cept I need a new seat now) and
the wind really picked up.. so I left early. I rode home, it
started to rain, and it was really windy. Roadtrip came over
and we talked alot about work.. work work work. Anyways,
I have been drinking this morning.. and I am coming to
this thought that I am here to do SOMETHING, and while
I am.. I am not doing anything truly impressive. I need more.
I need to be stimulated, to be pushed, to be driven to do
something totally excellent.. but damned if I know what that
is. I am a human, I have a mind, the most powerful computer
ever created, and all I do is sift packets all damn day. I wish
I had paid more attention in high school, not worked as much..
Still searching for that original thought I guess. Who knows.
I was looking though my weblogs while ago.. It's weird. People
come to this site, and read and look at the pictures.. and I have
absolutely no idea how they got here.. It's extremely cool,
but hey! if you are here, just out of the blue, drop me an email.
Tell me what you are after, how you got here.. who knows! I
might be able to help you out. I am always up for a good
project.. or just a nice engineering problem. I might be
slightly weird, but that might be a plus! And speaking of
things that sound like work, I must go. Time to sleep.
Remember this: your mind is the most powerful computer
on earth. Use it. Find your purpose. Whether its sending
stuff into space, or just engineering a new manufacturing
process.. engineering is good! Use that brain! Hack something!
Oh.. on another thought.. someone told me tonight they were
upset with the computer security industry.. they had reverted
back to \"blackhat\" status. Let me tell you this: all of the most
impressive computer hacks are dead. They are gone. It's
no longer fun. Who cares what Joe Admin does. You want
impressive, then hack light speed. Hack a quantum computer.
Do SOMETHING like that. That is impressive. Don't just
content with breaking stuff. Learn to create. And with that,
I am done. Spent. Out of it. You be good, and I will rant later!
Good morning. Or if you are digi, it is good evening. My
nocturnal ways tend to suck sometimes. I had Monday
and Tuesday off work, after working 49 hours over the
course of 3 days. First of the month business is mostly
taken care of, and I have this weekend off. I dunno what
I am going to do.. maybe I will hit some clubs or something.
I haven't been out and about in a long time, and I am starting
to feel that urge. Some music, something intoxicating, and
maybe some pool. Yea.. who knows.. Ah, I gotta call the
motorcycle shop today, I haven't heard about my parts yet..
or when I can take my ride in. Hopefully this week sometime,
would be nice to have a repaired bike by this weekend.
Damn tags and inspection are due this month too. Feh.
I think work might be sucking my brains away! I don't have
anything neat to say.. yet had this weird urge to rant. Over
the course of the last two days, I have pretty well vegged out.
It's been great.. I have been playing some Forgotten Battles
(WW2 fighter sim) and some Mechwarrior 4. In the interim,
I have been crashing on the couch and the floor with the
laptop. Surf here, read there, hax0r there. ya know.. I have
finally become totally immune to the news. I have two
TV's going constantly, each with a different news station ...
(CNN/MSNBC, one on wintermute's tv tuner, and the other
on the actual tv.. I knew it was good for something)... Yes,
I still
Long time, no write, don't care... - Contributed by Digital Ebola
July 29, 2004, 3:02 am
So what now you are asking... I'm no longer concerned about pushing any barriers, or seeing open source software in the workplace.. I just want a job where I am treated fairly, where hard work pays off, and where we never say, \"the customer doesn't know any better.\" - The customer ALWAYS knows better... and frankly, if that is your attitude, then get ready for when the customer does know better, because they will be taking thier business elsewhere.
I'm dusting myself off. Getting back on the horse. 3rd time is certainly the charm, and I hope that my next job is better then the last two... I will see you all at Defcon... thanks to some good friends, I am able to attend, and I hope to have as much fun as I did my first time (DC7).
To everyone that has been supportive of me: I had never known how many friends I had until these latest trials. It is because of you that I remain in Dallas, and it will be because of you that I will fight to get back on that horse. I hope I do not let you down, and thank you very much for showing what is important in this life.
Current Music: Playing via XMMS -> Tom Petty - Good to Be King [05:10]
Current Mood: Frankly, you don\'t want to know... I am eager for Defcon though!!!
Current Activity: Packing. Need sleep.
O-si-yo! - Contributed by Digital Ebola
June 17, 2004, 7:38 pm
Current Music: Guns n Roses - Lost in the Garden of Eden
Current Mood: I don\'t know.. maybe thats a good thing.
Current Activity: Unwinding
I'm dead! - Contributed by Digital Ebola
June 2, 2004, 1:59 pm
Current Music: B\'z - Shine
Current Mood: No mood right now...
Current Activity: Waking up.
Blah. What now? - Contributed by Digital Ebola
June 1, 2004, 1:13 am
Current Music: Steely Dan - Do It Again
Current Mood: restless, tired, depressed
Current Activity: I\'m a piss poor planner, what can I say? Vegging out. I should go on a media fast... find a cabin, wear a tinfoil hat.
Ahh, tired... - Contributed by Digital Ebola
May 30, 2004, 1:31 am
Current Music: DJ Micro - Jareth\'s Church
Current Mood: Not really in a mood. Underlying depression, but stunted for the moment.
Current Activity: I don\'t know... I guess I will fire up the SOCOM, or perhaps I will find something to take apart.
Vacation! - Contributed by Digital Ebola
May 28, 2004, 5:18 pm
Current Music: Star Wars - Duel of the Fates
Current Mood: Underlying depression, but I know I am at the cusp of change, riding the wave, hoping to not get crashed... in the short term mood, I have had a pleasant day, so I will persist.
Current Activity: Do-it-yourself Home based Labotomy and Labotomy for Dummies! Where\'s my Black and Decker?
Ugh. - Contributed by Digital Ebola
May 25, 2004, 12:01 am
Current Music: none
Current Mood: depressed
Current Activity: sleep.
Whats the Point? - Contributed by Digital Ebola
May 6, 2004, 1:05 am
(23:58:34) mom: are you fuckin nuts????
I'm depressed.
Current Music: DJ Micro - Final Frontier
Current Mood: Depressed.
Current Activity: Talking on messenger.. preparing for sleep.
Wheeeeeee. - Contributed by Digital Ebola
May 1, 2004, 6:30 pm
Current Music: Run DMC and Aerosmith - Walk this way
Current Mood: Hungover, trying to defeat depression by partying my ass off.
Current Activity: Waking up, defeating hangover, your digi needs food badly, your digi is about to die.
pr00f is a bad influence... - Contributed by Digital Ebola
April 18, 2004, 9:38 pm
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
On rare occassions, however, the planes may intersect and for a brief moment,tear the fabric of space itself, which opens up a hole-or gateway-between these two universes.
Current Music: Playing via XMMS -> Apocalyptica - Unforgiven [05:16]
Current Mood: Moody, depressed, blah
Current Activity: Reading and talking with my irk family.
Blah... - Contributed by Digital Ebola
April 10, 2004, 1:25 pm
Current Music: Guns N Roses - Sweet Child O Mine
Current Mood: Blah.
Current Activity: Waking up.
Blah - Contributed by Digital Ebola
April 7, 2004, 9:06 pm
Current Music: Playing via XMMS -> Jackyl - Dixieland [06:01]
Current Mood: i dont know. blah
Current Activity: 9 pm gets amazingly complicated sometimes.
Orkut still suspended, but it's been a good day - Contributed by Digital Ebola
March 31, 2004, 9:12 pm
Thank you for contacting orkut.com. Your message is important to us, and
we will respond to it as soon as possible. In the meantime, you may be
able to find the answer to your question in our online help section at
http://help.orkut.com/.
Stay connected,
orkut.com
I guess... maybe there is hope. I still don't know what I did to get suspended from it. Ahh well.. I did noticed that they have moved to a Trakken system to process email... Perhaps there are hundreds of people having this same issue? I find this very interesting... Social Clicks in Social Software - not only just for the people that inhabit the software, but also for the admins! Hmmm.. Beyond the Orkut stuff, I am having a great day! I got alot of stuff done at work, and I am getting good news about lots of things, and well, everything is going well! This is completely opposite of yesterday... man, that was a crappy day.. Today was elite! I was bouncing around, getting things done, making super progress! I love it! I love it when I can close out projects... makes me feel soooooooo gooooooooood. haha, anyways, what else.. not much else... getting ready to throw down the SOCOM II, and blast some members of my clan.. the TKE... Tau Kappa Epsilon was gracious enough to let me join their clan... and so I have been trying to get on every weeknight to play... they are a great bunch of guys, and I know a few of them.. awesome bunch. TKE, also known as The Killing Experts rock the socks.. each person has their notable attacks, and traits.. 11incheslimp is the king of shotgun, Bulet Magnet is the king of mines, and dirty killing, Tau Kappa Killa is the sniper from hell. He also mines... Private Pyle leads our clan, and he is VERY good at this game.. He hates 11's shotgun tactics.. oh, what is my speciality? I share the RPG/AT4/Grenade Launcher with Johnny Walker! He is more deadly then me with the things.. and he usually carries more then one rocket.. watch out! Our weapons of choice usually always vary... mine lately has been the M4 with M203.. very effective. Speaking of which, I am 10 minutes late to play... be well my friends, and may us all have a pleasant day tomorrow... Security specialists especially, as tomorrow is April 1st... prepare for the hoaxes, viruses, and general FUD that happens to everyone that works InfoSec this time of year... Stay safe and educated!
Current Music: Playing via XMMS -> Marylin Manson - This Is The New Shit [04:20
Current Mood: Happy! Bounce! Bounce!
Current Activity: Time for SOCOM... Bring em!
Another one bites the dust - No digi on Orkut - Contributed by Digital Ebola
March 30, 2004, 8:42 pm
Your orkut account has been suspended pending review. If you would like to get your account reactivated, please email admin@orkut.com.
What the hell? What did I do? I didn't mass message, didn't have anything profane, didn't cause trouble... and my account is SUSPENDED? I mean, I can't figure it out. I have emailed them to ask why... maybe its a mistake. I mean... its not like Orkut was a large fixture in my digital life, but it WAS interesting to read sometimes. Is this some kind of declaration of \"its a cool club and you are not invited?\". So I get to be treated like a digital social leper? I find this very interesting as getting back in and raising hell would not be a problem... I mean, I do security for a living, not like I can't shake the software down and find things... there are numerous posts to that effect. Is it worth the time? A Orkut information page? Yet another one, in the sea of what seems to be quite common? I don't know.. I just want my account back so I can read the local Dallas forums. At least they should tell me why my account is suspended... This did lead me to a interesting thought, based on messaging/p2p/social networks.. a fully encrypted, invite only messenger, allowing file sharing, profiles, and distributed bandwidth.. Invites could be done like the alla's in the rudy rucker book \"freeware\" I believe thats the one... only invite so many friends in, and thats it. Not a race for popularity, but a race to have quality friends... plus, your file sharing would only be limited to friends... not friends of friends.. you wouldnt want to share with the wrong person. I don't know.. I have never written anything like a messaging client before.. I might be able to hack the gaim source and get something going... would be interesting. I guess in the end, that will be the price something like Orkut pays for this weird behavior.. someone will innovate something better... a new fad, a new timekiller. For now, I'd just like to come home from security crap, and read my damn forums.
Current Music: Playing via XMMS -> Loudness - After Illusion [05:59]
Current Mood: Not as bad as earlier, getting better.. slightly confused
Current Activity: Thinking... about... you.
Drunken Haze - Contributed by Digital Ebola
March 28, 2004, 3:57 am
Current Music: Playing via XMMS -> Gone In 60 Seconds - The Cult - Painted On My Heart [04:28
Current Mood: I can\'t describe it, as its pretty bleak.
Current Activity: Sleep soon.
Drunken Haze... - Contributed by
March 28, 2004, 3:36 am
Current Music:
Current Mood:
Current Activity:
whatever. - Contributed by Digital Ebola
March 23, 2004, 10:56 pm
Current Music: Playing via XMMS -> Mega Deth - Trust (Live) [04:52]
Current Mood: blah. empty.
Current Activity: Feel like I\'ve been beat up or somethin.. I think I will sleep now.
Blah, but not as much blah. - Contributed by Digital Ebola
March 21, 2004, 11:31 pm
Current Music: Playing via XMMS -> Megadeth - Holy Wars [06:36]
Current Mood: blah.
Current Activity: laundry. getting ready for the new week.
Letting it go.. - Contributed by Digital Ebola
March 11, 2004, 1:46 pm
Current Music: None.. I might have to put on some 80\'s stream in a second...
Current Mood: Content... its getting better.
Current Activity: Work. Work. Work.
Hmm.. It's Saturday - Contributed by Digital Ebola
March 6, 2004, 7:12 pm
Current Music: Playing via XMMS -> Ministry of Sound - Dreams Loast for Long [04:16]
Current Mood: Shaky.
Current Activity: Reading some stuff.
So much for a good day... - Contributed by Digital Ebola
March 5, 2004, 10:16 am
Current Music: none.
Current Mood: Why bother?
Current Activity: I *was* on a conference call, but it dropped... what the hell is going on?
Another sleepless night - Contributed by Digital Ebola
March 5, 2004, 6:36 am
# You will take issue and not shy away from confrontation when others disagree with how you feel or think.
# You have a natural enthusiasm for the activities you prefer. Because of your enthusiasm, you may forget that others have different wants and needs.
# In social situations, you prefer variety, adventure and the unusual. You may lose interest if you feel a situation is becoming routine. As a result, you must be kept busy and involved with making things happen.
# Your primary social strategy is making things happen and happen now. Usually very active, you thrive on challenge. When the going gets tough, you get going.
# You love challenges and competition. At the same time, you must realize and appreciate that others may not share your zest for challenges and competition.
# You respect those who win out against the odds and show persistence. You set high goals for yourself and others.
# You have a high interest in the new, the unusual and the adventurous. You may also be curious and have a wide range of interests, preferring an ever-changing environment.
hmmm, yeah. That's about right. So, basically, sitting here in my boxers, finished the morning turnover call... trying to wake up.. it might be a redbull morning... I'm almost sure of it. Let's see how the day goes.
Current Music: Playing via XMMS -> Hans Zimmer & Lisa Gerrard - Gladiator - The Battle (1) [10:02]
Current Mood: Tired, depressed, can\'t snap out of it
Current Activity: Smoking a cig, trying to motivate enough to get to work
My name is mud - Contributed by Digital Ebola
March 4, 2004, 10:41 pm
Current Music: bah
Current Mood: bah
Current Activity: bah
Ugh - Contributed by Digital Ebola
March 4, 2004, 10:38 pm
Current Music: Playing via XMMS -> Primus - My Name Is Mud [05:08]
Current Mood: bah@
Current Activity: don\'t ask.
What's the use? - Contributed by Digital Ebola
March 4, 2004, 10:34 pm
Current Music: Playing via XMMS -> Alice in Chains - No Excuses [04:14]
Current Mood: Unchanged. I am depressed... Netbeui tells me I am too negative.
Current Activity: I am the living incarnate of Doom. Black clouds hang over my head. Tomorrow is another day.
Feh. - Contributed by Digital Ebola
March 4, 2004, 9:12 am
Current Music: none yet. I don\'t know what I want to hear yet. Although, the first song I heard today (via wintermute\'s audio system) was Prong\'s Snap Your Fingers... Made me slightly optimistic about the day.
Current Mood: Lonely, depressed, shifting into change/creation mode as a default for bad thoughts.
Current Activity: Work. Or something that resembles it.
Blah - Contributed by Digital Ebola
February 26, 2004, 11:36 pm
Current Music: Playing via XMMS -> Nickelback - Figured You Out [03:48]
Current Mood: sad, tired, depressed
Current Activity: Contemplating Heisenberg, and how it applies to my life. Time for sleep.
moin moin - Contributed by Digital Ebola
February 3, 2004, 6:47 am
Current Music: Playing via XMMS -> Megadeth - Trust [05:10]
Current Mood: Not awake enough, so far I\'m okay though
Current Activity: Preparing for work.
rah rah rah blah blah blah whoopee - Contributed by Digital Ebola
January 29, 2004, 9:18 pm
Current Music: Playing via XMMS -> Megadeth Holy Wars the Punishment Due (Schwarzkoff Mix) [04:57]
Current Mood: blah.
Current Activity: grinding my swg character for jedi. I mastered weaponsmith, now 3/4 through entertainer. Damn holocrons. Getting sleepy.
Happy New Years or something - Contributed by Digital Ebola
January 1, 2004, 5:24 am
Current Music: nothing.
Current Mood: freaked out
Current Activity: In pain. My head feels terrible due to flu.
Blah. December. - Contributed by Digital Ebola
December 21, 2003, 9:54 pm
Current Music: Playing via XMMS -> Duran Duran - A View To A Kill [03:35]
Current Mood: Sad, depressed, tired
Current Activity: Preparing for a busy week.
A night out... - Contributed by Digital Ebola
October 23, 2003, 3:56 am
Current Music: Playing via XMMS -> Tool - Forty Six and 2 [06:00]
Current Mood: Starting to get a little depressed...
Current Activity: Preparing for the dark abyss that is sleep.
Wheeeeeeee! - Contributed by Digital Ebola
October 21, 2003, 11:11 pm
Current Music: Playing via XMMS -> Daft Punk - Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger [03:44]
Current Mood: Blah!
Current Activity: I gotta whiz.
Productivity never ceases. - Contributed by Digital Ebola
September 2, 2003, 7:53 pm
Current Music: Playing via XMMS -> Queen - Who Wants to Live Forever [05:13]
Current Mood: Happy.
Current Activity: Being productive!
Worms and Fatigue - Contributed by Digital Ebola
August 13, 2003, 4:39 pm
Current Music: Weird Al - Amish Paradise
Current Mood: Tired, starting to feel depressed because I feel like crap
Current Activity: Just finished up some work, I dont know now.
Still sick :( - Contributed by Digital Ebola
August 10, 2003, 8:34 pm
Current Music: Nine Inch Nails - The Becoming
Current Mood: Don\'t have one.
Current Activity: Sitting here, feeling like crap.
Ugh. - Contributed by Digital Ebola
August 8, 2003, 9:32 pm
Current Music: Star Wars Galaxies Cantina music.
Current Mood: I don\'t know.
Current Activity: Playing SWG, feeling like crap.
Damn.. lots of stuff. - Contributed by Digital Ebola
July 28, 2003, 10:35 pm
Current Music: Playing via XMMS -> Gypsy Kings - Hotel California (Spanish). [05:47]
Current Mood: Happy, tired, anxious
Current Activity: Going to bed. 1 more day of work, and then my ass outta here.
So very tired... - Contributed by Digital Ebola
June 24, 2003, 6:05 pm
Current Music: Playing via XMMS -> Dieselboy - Invid (Future Cut \"Second Com [07:47]
Current Mood: Something altered by 5 redbulls. I am too tired to have a mood.
Current Activity: Crawling towards my bed... Code mode is now OFF.
Blah/blah - Contributed by Digital Ebola
June 23, 2003, 9:17 pm
Current Music: Playing via XMMS -> BT - The Revolution [04:17]
Current Mood: Confused.
Current Activity: Sittin here. Blah.
The soul and its many parts... - Contributed by Digital Ebola
June 20, 2003, 10:57 pm
Current Music: Damn Matrix Reloaded soundtrack
Current Mood: I don\'t honestly know. Imagine being happy while having your entrails ripped out, and thats prolly me.
Current Activity: Sitting here.
Days. - Contributed by Digital Ebola
June 18, 2003, 10:40 pm
Current Music: Playing via XMMS -> Juno Reactor Vs Don Davis - Burly Brawl [05:52]
Current Mood: happy, tired, my internal clock is confused. It is blinking 12:00! 12:00! 12:00!
Current Activity: Going out. Vroom vroom!
Good day. - Contributed by Digital Ebola
June 15, 2003, 8:53 pm
Current Music: Playing via XMMS -> Scorpians - Winds of Change [05:13]
Current Mood: happy.
Current Activity: Trying to tire myself out so I can change my schedule.
Wheeeeeeeee. - Contributed by Digital Ebola
June 15, 2003, 2:47 am
Current Music: Playing via XMMS -> Motley Crue Primal Scream [04:43]
Current Mood: not really any kind of mood
Current Activity: Coffee!
Reflections of a saner mind - Contributed by Digital Ebola
June 9, 2003, 11:36 pm
Current Music: Rob Dougan - Furious Angels
Current Mood: happy, sad, reflective
Current Activity: Coffee.
Rah Rah Rah - Contributed by Digital Ebola
June 4, 2003, 8:54 am
Current Music: Playing via XMMS -> Juno Reactor - Don Davis - Mona Lisa [10:09]
Current Mood: Happy, but very very tired.
Current Activity: Playing Eve
b0ing. - Contributed by Digital Ebola
May 23, 2003, 7:36 am
Current Music: Playing via XMMS -> 5th Element - Timecrash [01:49]
Current Mood: Happy
Current Activity: Sleepy.
Sunday. Not so lazy. - Contributed by Digital Ebola
May 4, 2003, 6:58 pm
Current Music: Playing via XMMS -> Powerman5000 - When Worlds Collide [02:57]
Current Mood: Happy, content, joyful even...
Current Activity: I brim, I froth, I bleed with happy thoughts. Lets clean!
Morning. My evening, but your morning. - Contributed by Digital Ebola
May 2, 2003, 5:38 am
Current Music: Prodigy - Poison
Current Mood: Happy, slightly worn down, eager for the weekend
Current Activity: Working, preparing for the end. wh00t.
Blah, a morning. - Contributed by Digital Ebola
April 26, 2003, 8:14 am
Current Music: Loudness - After Illusion
Current Mood: I don\'t know.
Current Activity: Smoking a cig. Preparing for sleep.
Another morning - Contributed by Digital Ebola
April 8, 2003, 8:26 am
Current Music: Playing via XMMS -> U2 - With or Without You (Live From Edmonton) [04:40]
Current Mood: Happy, tired, questioning my being
Current Activity: Getting ready for sleep.
Good morning. - Contributed by Digital Ebola
April 2, 2003, 7:21 am